From: Mitchell Knightly, Abbottsville Stake President
Subject: New Sexuality Survey
As the Relief Society sisters continue to embrace their divine orientation through crafts, the priesthood will participate in a cutting edge study of their own sexuality. Based on the ground breaking and refreshingly progressive questionnaire that was recently distributed at Brigham Young University (see here), all stake priesthood holders are requested to complete the following confidential survey:
Please describe your sexual orientation. Check all that apply:
- I am heterosexual and do not struggle with same-sex attraction.
- I am heterosexual but do struggle with same-sex attraction.
- I am heterosexual but like to dress up like Madonna.
- I am heterosexual but only get hard when I'm with another man.
- I am heterosexual but wish my bishop was a Chippendale dancer so I could stuff my tithing into his g-string.
- I am heterosexual but love getting it up the butt.
- Other--please do not specify.