Friday, February 27, 2015

We Salute Him

You don't have to be a trekkie to know that the original Star Trek series that debuted in 1966 and ran for only three seasons is now a cult classic. And I mean cult in a good way.

Moreover, you needn't have watched every episode or seen all the movies or attended the conventions to know that Leonard Nimoy, who died today, was a cultural icon.

Star Trek is one of those unique diversions that both entertains and binds us together. Sort of like sports.

For example, say you're at a family reunion where half the relatives are believing Mormons. You can't talk about religion, of course. You can't talk about politics. You can't bring up the weather. (For fear of igniting a global warming vs. God's wrath debate.) You can't agree on appropriate attire or what is an acceptable beverage. In many cases, you can't even talk about yourself because you might be (gasp) gay, or otherwise living in - what the Mormon relatives consider - "sin."

But bring up Star Trek and the mood lightens and the conversation takes off. Everybody has a favorite episode, everyone has a favorite theory, and everyone agrees that Mr. Spock, played by Leonard Nimoy, is a classic.

Today we salute him, for inspiring generations of people to forget their differences, dress up in crazy costumes, and just have fun. May he "live long and prosper" in our minds and - despite his possible disapproval - our hearts.

Two obituaries in a row! This better not be a trend. Hoping to go back to humor in March.

Friday, February 20, 2015

Sorry Brethren, You Don't Own Us

At the April 2007 semi-annual General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints the Prophet, Seer and Revelator, Gordon B. Hinckley, advised:
"Husbands, love and treasure your wives, they are your most precious possessions."
This was in the seventh year of the twenty-first century, over one hundred years after the Mormons stopped practicing polygamy and almost ninety years after American women got the vote.

Also it was over forty years after Lesley Gore first sang "You Don't Own Me."

Whenever I hear the song I envision Aqua Net-coiffed teenaged girls in sweater sets and knee-length pencil skirts gathered around a radio - maybe after church - and belting out the lyrics in defiance. Just like the straight-haired, bell-bottom clad girls of my day did to Helen Reddy's feminist anthem, "I Am Woman."

Of course, the Brethren, who think they do own us, consider such female role models to be tools of Satan. If that's so, I invite the Prince of Darkness to send up more of his "tools." They have an uncanny knack for being on the right side of things.

Lesley Gore died this week, too young, at the age of 68. But she left behind a legacy. She was among the most successful female solo artists of the 1960's. She was an actress as well, appearing on Broadway and, memorably, as "Pink Pussycat," Robin's love interest in the old Batman TV series.

Who could forget this scene?
Robin: How 'bout a little smooch, you're my kind of dame.
Pink Pussycat: …I'm not the kind of girl to kiss a boy on the first crime. 

She led a life that mattered. At the height of her popularity Gore insisted on completing her education and earned a degree in English and American Literature from Sarah Lawrence College. She was a feminist, and after coming out as gay in 2005, an advocate for LGBT rights, hosting episodes of the PBS series, In the Life. She is survived by Lois Sasson, her partner of thirty-three years. Also by a couple of generations of empowered female fans.

Sorry, Brethren. It's now the fifteenth year of the twenty-first century and fifty years after Lesley sang it and you still don't own us.

You can cry if you want to.

Friday, February 13, 2015

Mormon Erotica Film Set for Release on Valentine's Day

Fifty Courts of Love to Debut on Valentine's Day
Salt Lake News - published February 13, 2015

SALT LAKE CITY-- Tomorrow night the LDS Church will release it's newest feature film, Fifty Courts of Love. A flight of fan fiction loosely based on the LDS Handbooks of Instruction, Fifty Courts draws on the growing popularity of "Mormon Erotica," a genre aimed at the small, but enthusiastic  segment of LDS priesthood leaders who experience libidinous pleasure when witnessing the denigration, humiliation and expulsion of the most articulate and talented members of their church.

In order to enhance what producer, Hobart Graham, calls the film's "shock and awe" value, no trailer has been released and the plot remains a guarded secret. But Graham has dropped a few hints about what viewers can expect.

"Excommunication trials have always had a kinky appeal to our audience," Graham told The News. "It's basic. You've got a woman lawyer who thinks she's so big, or a PhD who thinks he's so smart. Or a gay guy. Then real men like us get to force him or her into a cramped, uncomfortable space, ask official questions, and exercise the full power of our priesthood. Submission is sweet, right? But think about how much sweeter it will be when, thanks to poetic license, we change the venue to the basement of a Utah Valley hardware store, up the physical restraints, and expand the realm of official questions."

While the movie's release is eagerly anticipated by some, other LDS Church members plan to boycott the film.

"Sounds like smut to me," said Wilma Baxter, a 64-year-old resident of Bountiful insisted.

C. Delbert Baxter, age 66, echoed his wife's disinterest. "Mormon Erotica? I'd derive more pleasure from a documentary about cheese."

But the filmmakers, as well as church officials, believe Fifty Courts will attract a larger audience as viewer excitement grows. "Mormon Erotica is quite different from the worldly variety," said Graham. "Worldly Erotica is all about kissing and fondling and groping. Our audience isn't aroused by any of that--least of all on Valentine's Day. For us it's all about . . . discipline."

While there have been no leaks from anonymous sources directly involved in the film's production, several Utah Valley Dollar Stores are reported to be completely sold out of conservative neckties.

***And congratulations to the winners of the 2014 Brodie Awards!

Thursday, February 5, 2015

The Annual Brodie Awards/Super Bowl Post

This may be the best Brodie Awards season yet! 2014 boasted a record number of great LDS-themed blogs, books, posts, discussion forums and podcasts. The competition is stiff--starting with eleven sites competing for best new blog! (Including my personal favorite, Sheep Dip.)

I'm thrilled to be nominated in 5 categories this year. But, while I've managed to sneak away with a prize or 2 in years past, I don't expect to win this time around. Just check out some of my competition: Infants on Thrones, Brother Jake, runtu, Peggy Fletcher Stack (!!!), Holly Welker, and even chanson herself. With my name alongside the likes of those and the other talented writers, I am indeed thrilled just to be nominated.
That being said, vote for ME!!
One thing's for certain, this year's awards are proof that Main Street Plaza's Outer Blogness is not only not going away, it's gathering steam. What was it? Those church essays? The cheesy LDS feature length film? Joseph Smith's crazy libido? Kate Kelly's excommunication? Or was it that underwear video? For whatever reason, LDS Church leaders certainly drew attention to themselves this past year, and not always in a good way.

Vote for your favorites here in the Brodie Awards on Main Street Plaza.

Another child is corrupted
Also this past Sunday, Mark and I hosted another ExMormon Super Bowl party, giving me the opportunity to post a series of candid pictures that prove once and for all that we left because we were offended and wanted to sin.

For those of us here on the Left Coast, the Seahawk's loss in the final seconds was a crushing blow. But we jollied ourselves up with much loud laughter, lightmindedness, and evil speaking of the self-appointed--carrying on the grand tradition of partying on Sunday. :)
Everything! Even the ExMormon Funeral Potatoes.
Blue hair looks great without a temple veil

No BYU Beard Card required
 In the name of cheese and rice, amen.