tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1884927711300537802.post2905883438558672743..comments2023-06-17T08:49:52.285-07:00Comments on Ward Gossip: ExMormon Etiquette - Lesson OneDonna Bantahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01271377907141866718noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1884927711300537802.post-34216283180117845882014-09-15T07:24:19.284-07:002014-09-15T07:24:19.284-07:00AT, you just added a new exception that I don'...AT, you just added a new exception that I don't think I have a solution for -- how to deal with the ones who are just flat out insane.Donna Bantahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01271377907141866718noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1884927711300537802.post-81983208133086105722014-09-14T19:28:54.242-07:002014-09-14T19:28:54.242-07:00I recently bought a TBM relative a nice flashlight...I recently bought a TBM relative a nice flashlight for a gift. When he called to thank me, he used the opportunity as a teaching moment: The Brother of Jared from the BOM discovered the technology for the modern flashlight about 4,000 years ago. (It's much more detailed and "scientific" than that but hardly worth going into.) So he thanked me for sending him a "Brother of Jared light." Arguably, he crossed a line. But I found myself saying only, "Uh huh."<br /><br />More and more these days I find myself treating TMBs more like the people I interact with at the state mental hospital (i.e., the patient who received messages from God via her fortune cookies; or the patient who talked to cockroaches that came to visit her via the heating vent in her room; or the man who talked to God via his television).<br /><br />I used to be all about setting boundaries with the believers. I still do as needed. But mostly these days I have a hard time not seeing them as broken.<br /><br />Thanks for making me think. : )Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05362339037879270082noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1884927711300537802.post-25567038873354547732014-09-14T08:06:37.523-07:002014-09-14T08:06:37.523-07:00Heather, we had that conversation too and wish we ...Heather, we had that conversation too and wish we hadn't. Mormons like to assume that people leave because they were offended or want to sin. And at first those who leaves want to prove that's not the case.<br /><br />Nowadays when I talk to people who have recently left the church I advise them to either say nothing or to tell their loved ones, "I was offended and want to sin" and leave it at that. Of course, that's not the answer they want to hear.<br /><br />But when you think about it, it's sort of true. I am offended by the lies about the church's history and the bigoted doctrine and church policies. Also, since "sinning" constitutes sipping a cup of coffee Sunday morning and then maybe taking in an R-rated movie … sign me up for that too.Donna Bantahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01271377907141866718noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1884927711300537802.post-45992164944300931112014-09-13T15:19:47.040-07:002014-09-13T15:19:47.040-07:00I wish I'd have taken your advice to "don...I wish I'd have taken your advice to "don't explain." I had many an awful conversation with my parents, and looking back I think I just wanted them to see what I'd discovered- but that didn't happen. Heatherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15224987243792978016noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1884927711300537802.post-67934842982436987562014-09-12T15:30:31.905-07:002014-09-12T15:30:31.905-07:00@Alexis, ha! I never thought I'd author a pamp...@Alexis, ha! I never thought I'd author a pamphlet. But you're right, I wish I'd had somebody to help me navigate things way back when.<br /><br />@Anonymous, I'm so sorry you still haven't managed to escape. I think the love bombing may be even more annoying than the judgmental lectures. You're right, there's no love involved.Donna Bantahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01271377907141866718noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1884927711300537802.post-80611626324319197102014-09-12T12:21:34.590-07:002014-09-12T12:21:34.590-07:00I am, unfortunately, one of the "exceptions.&...I am, unfortunately, one of the "exceptions." trust me, the cover of darkness doesn't work. they will trace you through work, neighbors, and now with the Internet they will "love bomb" you 'til the day you die. Even tho' love's got nuthin' to do with it. I am officially an embarrassment, pariah, apostate- yet still the boxes of Mormon publications land with a thump on my doorstep and the grandkids have to be escorted everywhere lest the TBM's try again to "rescue" them from eternal damnation. sigh.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1884927711300537802.post-6324139521294195902014-09-12T12:19:57.635-07:002014-09-12T12:19:57.635-07:00I think my dad has, over the years, synthesized th...I think my dad has, over the years, synthesized these the hard way. how nice it would have been for him to have been handed a list like this one when, at the age of 21, as a newly-returned-and-no-longer-believing missionary. The rules are funny and tongue-in-cheek at times, but they're still spot-on. <br /><br />Why recreate the wheel on such a regular basis? This is excellent work and should be made available for a small fee. I'd pay to have the pamphlets to hand out to relatives making their way out.AlexisARhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09797016673203467911noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1884927711300537802.post-46630437197422940472014-09-12T09:05:04.589-07:002014-09-12T09:05:04.589-07:00Maybe so, asking why is a great way to put folks o...Maybe so, asking why is a great way to put folks on the defensive. I like your response, Ahab.Donna Bantahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01271377907141866718noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1884927711300537802.post-45064238603250261062014-09-12T09:00:47.139-07:002014-09-12T09:00:47.139-07:00This was a fun read! "Grammy and Grampy are a...This was a fun read! "Grammy and Grampy are a couple of perverted psychopaths but we love them anyway because we're Christians" should be printed on bumper stickers and T-shirts.<br /><br />In all seriousness, I like the "don't explain" part of your advice. No one should have to justify their beliefs to anyone, and an ex-Mormon shouldn't feel pressured to explain themselves to Mormon loved ones.<br /><br />I've seen this with non-Mormon Christians as well. On several occassions, believers have asked me, "Why aren't you Christian?", and I've replied that I don't have to justify my agnosticism to them. I wonder if the question is part of some rote proselytization technique they've been taught.Ahabhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14675629709031865432noreply@blogger.com