Abbottsville Sisters Struggle To Define Rights

To: Abbottsville Stake Relief Society Sisters
From: Mitchell Knightly, President of the Abbottsville Stake
Subject: Abbottsville sisters weigh in on rights!

Dear Sisters,
Congratulations! The following article in the Abbottsville Gazette features some of you:

LDS Women Struggle To Define Their Rights

By MORRIS MATHESON

Published: January 23, 2013

ABBOTTSVILLE, CA -- During a recent BYU Devotional, the LDS General Young Women's president stirred up mass confusion within Abbottsville's Mormon community when she made the following statement:

"Young women, you will be the ones who will provide the example of virtuous womanhood and motherhood. You will continue to be virtuous, lovely, praiseworthy and of good report. You will also be the ones to provide an example of family life in a time when families are under attack, being redefined and disintegrating. You will understand your roles and your responsibilities and thus will see no need to lobby for rights."

Ever obedient, local Mormon women are eager to heed their leader's counsel. However it is unclear if the Young Women's president was referring to women's rights in general, such as equal pay for equal work, if she was reacting to the internal controversy over "LDS feminists" wearing pants to church, or if she was simply citing the everyday privileges the average Mormon woman seeks to obtain. For example, the right to open her own door.

"I really wish the Brethren would offer some clarity here," LDS housewife, Fiona Harold said. "It took me forty-five minutes to exit the pharmacy just now, and I still have to pick up my dry cleaning."

While some struggle to open doors, others take refuge in their assigned roles.

"I think the key here is sticking to what we have always understood to be our place," Renee Newsome, a local LDS Young Women's leader, said in a telephone interview. "Until I hear otherwise, I'm spending the entire day in the bedroom. Just to be safe."

LDS Church Headquarters has yet to comment on this matter.

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LDS Young Women Think Pink!

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward Young Women

From: Sister Renee Newsome, Ward Young Women's President

Subject: Put on your PINK thinking caps, girls!

Here are some suggestions for the Values experiences you need to fulfill your LDS Young Women's Personal Progress. Pick one that best suits your own choice, sweet, and individual spirit. 

Faith

Read The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Ask an old lady in the ward to tell you how her decades of obedience to the Brethren, along with her expert baking skills, have ensured her a spot in the highest level of the Celestial Kingdom. Bake a batch of cupcakes with PINK icing.

Divine Nature
Read The Family: A Proclamation to the World. List the divine qualities you were endowed with in the Pre-Existence, such as sweetness, subservience, thriftiness, buxomness, a flair for macrame, a profound lack of curiosity, etc. Pick your favorite divine quality and embroider it onto a PINK pillow case using PINK thread and surrounding it with pretty PINK flowers or sea horses.

Individual Worth
Read The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Prepare to receive your Patriarchal Blessing. Learn who can give Patriarchal Blessings. Write an essay entitled Why I Can't Give a Patriarchal Blessing. Be sure and use PINK paper and PINK ink.

Knowledge
Read The Family: A Proclamation to the World. List some skills that will help you in your future career. Ask a little old lady in the ward to describe what the industry was like before the invention of the home food processor. Then make some really cute animal shaped sugar cookies with PINK frosting.

Choice and Accountability

Read The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Vow to avoid bad choices based on worldly logic and selfish personal preferences. Commit yourself to the One and Only True Church in spite of the consequences. Compose a poem entitled, Fun and Important Things my Non-Member Friends Get to Do but I Don't. Then print it in calligraphy on PINK paper using PINK ink.

Good Works
Read The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Learn about the neediest in society by talking to your dad, bishop, or even by reading a newspaper. Develop skills to help the needy, such as sock darning, mending, candy making and cross stitch. Crochet a dozen blankets and send them to Darfur. Be sure to use PINK yarn.

Integrity
Read The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Commit to standing for righteousness before your less-active and non-member friends. Cover your school text books with PINK paper, do your class work in PINK pen and pencil, and wear only PINK to school for a month. (Don't use PINK pencil to fill in the bubbles on computer scored tests. It doesn't work.)

Virtue

Read The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Embroider Marriage Between a Man and a Woman is Ordained of God onto a PINK pillowcase. Then study what the prophet Brigham Young taught about traditional marriage. Check out the CleanFlicks version of Steel Magnolias and freeze frame the wedding scene until you can tell the difference between BLUSH and BASHFUL.

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