I Have A Really Good Excuse!

It's a short blog this week, but I have a really good excuse. I've been visiting my adorable granddaughters!

She just can't sit still for the camera.

Neither can Grammy.

Thank god the General Authorities in Salt Lake stepped up to the plate this week and wrote the satire for me.

Stung by the persecution they suffered in the press last October when they denied women admission to the semi-annual General Priesthood Session, the Brethren made the brilliant decision to not only ban women, but also reporters--providing this blogger as well as at least one member of the press with the kind of high satire we could never have invented ourselves.

Honestly, what would bloggers like me do without them?

Then famous funny man, Dallin Oaks, used his time at the Priesthood Session pulpit to assure his exclusively male audience that women have authority!

Not to be outdone by his elders, 62-year-old Neil L. Andersen, the youngest Mormon GA, reminded the faithful that the church is still adamantly opposed to gay marriage--prompting Jeffrey R. Holland to make the following hysterical observation:

"Unfortunately, messengers of divinely mandated commandments are often no more popular today than they were anciently . . . and because their words at times seem harsh, LDS leaders are accused of being "provincial, patriarchal, bigoted, unkind, narrow, outmoded and elderly."

--Well, that almost covers it. Throw in homophobic and he nails it. 

Do you see what I mean Gentle Readers? Not even Colbert could come up with this stuff.

And how does Elder Holland view the likes of us?

"...if people want any gods at all, they want them to be gods who do not demand much, comfortable gods, who not only don’t rock the boat but don’t even row it, gods who pat us on the head, make us giggle, then tell us to run along and pick marigolds."

--Oh . . . I'm giggling all right.

Sorry A-4, Lately You've Been Spam

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward and the wonderful people who read this blog
From: Donna Banta
Subject: Hello and Goodbye

Dear Gentle Readers,
I'm sorry that I haven't been bringing you any emails from the A-4 lately, also that I've neglected to read and comment on some of your blogs. I've been preoccupied. First I, and the many who knew and loved him, mourned the death of our friend, Kerry. Directly after that, Mark and I travelled to Austin to say hello to our newest granddaughter!

Keya and her baby sister, Maya

Then as soon as we returned, we were called to Salt Lake City to say goodbye to Mark's excellent father, Roger Wade Banta. He led an amazing life, was loved by many, and will be dearly missed.

At a time of such bittersweetness, I can't help but be reminded of how fragile and precious life is, and how essential it is to live one's life to the fullest.

I intend to begin by committing to write every day, do good deeds, walk on the beach, spend time with family, party with the ex-Mormons, and avoid all media coverage of the new pope.

How about you guys--any more suggestions?

Sorry Abbottsville Fourth, This Week You're Spam

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward
From: Donna Banta
Subject: This week you're spam

Because I am having too much fun with my granddaughter, Keya!!

She is turning 3!