Tuesday, September 4, 2012

The FAQ's on Coke and Pepsi

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward
From: Mitchell Knightly, President of the Abbottsville stake
Subject: Getting it right on Coke and Pepsi

Recently there has been some public debate over whether or not the LDS Church permits its members to drink caffeinated soft drinks. I recently read this thoughtful explanation in the FAQ section on a church approved website:

Word of Wisdom FAQ's

What is the Word of Wisdom?
--The Word of Wisdom is an inspired "ahead of its time" revelation from the Lord that has protected the members' health for generations. 

Do Mormons take the entire revelation literally?
--Of course.

Do the Mormons avoid eating "too much meat" as instructed in the Word of Wisdom?
--Well, maybe not that literally.

How about the part about "moderation in all things?"
--Ditto.

May they use alcohol or tobacco for "medicinal purposes" as the revelation states?
--Not unless they want to be damned.

What part of the Word of Wisdom do Mormons obey?
--Members abstain from tobacco, alcohol and hot drinks.

How do the Mormons interpret "hot drinks?
--"Hot drinks" are taken to mean tea and coffee.

So caffeinated drinks?
--No, the Word of Wisdom says nothing about caffeine. It only prohibits "hot drinks."

Are Mormons allowed to drink caffeinated soft drinks?
--Yes. Soft drinks are cold.

Then iced coffee and iced tea are allowed?
--Only if they're laced with high fructose corn syrup.

If the issue is temperature and not caffeine, why is it that I see so many Mormons drinking hot chocolate?
--Probably because it's so fattening.

Why don't the Brethren issue a statement saying unequivocally that caffeinated soft drinks are permitted?
--The Brethren don't want to say that caffeinated soft drinks are okay because that would sound as though they approve. On the other hand, if they say they're off limits, it might imply that the Brethren don't let the members make a single decision for themselves.

So caffeinated soft drinks are in league with PG movies, colored dress shirts, bermuda shorts and registering to vote as an Independent?
--Yes. In fact caffeinated soft drinks are available for sale in the restaurants at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building and at The Lion House.

But not at BYU?
No. There's no demand at BYU.

Why is that?
Because if a BYU student were ever to be seen drinking a caffeinated Coke, he would be judged by his classmates, shunned by his ward, and never be able to get a another date.

If you would like to stop receiving these emails, we'll assume you're one of those Mormons who parades around in bermuda shorts.

15 comments:

  1. Mmmm. Caffeine-free versions of Coke and Pepsi are readily available. Couldn't the LDS avoid this whole mess by just telling people to drink the caffeine-free stuff?

    Of course, that misses the bigger point ... doesn't the LDS have bigger things to worry about than what beverages people sip?

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  2. Haha, you would think, Ahab. It's a pretty nonsensical argument. Actually, BYU serves the caffeine free coke, but not the other kind.

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  3. This new position on the WoW has left me even more confused than before.

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  4. This new position on the WoW has left me even more confused than before.

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  5. GASP! You can buy caffeinated soft drinks in the hallowed former home of Brigham Young? Let me find some pearls to clutch.

    I confess to un-Christlike glee at the thought of faithful LDS imbibing mass quantities of soda since the Lord apparently doesn't have anything against it.

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  6. @postmormon girl, I know what you mean! And this all happened because the had to "set the record straight" after a painfully polite profile of the church on NBC. Honestly...

    I know, Diana! I'm also clutching my pearls over that one.

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  7. "Moderation in all things" is probably my favorite Mormon non-doctrinal doctrine.

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  8. Dan, I agree. Too bad they don't emphasize it more. Same goes for free agency and "man is that he might have joy."

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  9. Is it the coffee bean that is to be avoided? Does it matter if the bean is roasted cuz I dig starbucks new canned beverages with green coffee bean "refreshers".

    I have a Mormon friends who says the Word of Wisdom was intended for back then. It is confusing to us because it is not relevant any more. I am confused by my. " presentism". WoW!

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  10. Is it the coffee bean that is to be avoided? Does it matter if the bean is roasted cuz I dig starbucks new canned beverages with green coffee bean "refreshers".

    I have a Mormon friends who says the Word of Wisdom was intended for back then. It is confusing to us because it is not relevant any more. I am confused by my. " presentism". WoW!

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  11. Okay, there's this weird dynamic on my blog right now where some people's comments are duplicating and others who try to comment can't even get their's to post. Is this Blogger trying to be "nice" by saying, "Sorry we let that one slip so we'll make it up to you by posting this one twice?" Very strange.

    Also strange, Jo, that your friend thought the WoW was for "back then" when they didn't even enforce it back then. lol

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  12. My growing up interpretation...

    Soda of any kind okay.
    Hot chocolate okay
    herb tea okay
    all foods okay

    smoking bad
    tea bad
    coffee bad

    My head hurts now... I need an iced latte

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  13. Don't tell any Mormons I said this but [shh] it's all a giant steaming crock of shit anyway. Go beer!

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  14. Hahaha. Yes, there's nothing like a good "Pay Lay Ale" every now and then. (Beer is "good for my mouth.")

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