It's Relief Society Book Club Time!

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward

From: Susan Renfro, Ward Relief Society President

Subject: September Book Club Meeting

Dear Sisters,

Please choose from the following titles:

Go Sit in the Corner

for women

Latter-day Saint sisters can prepare for another interesting read this September with the choice of the following titles from Go Sit in the Corner for women.

Nephi and Sariah's Excellent Adventure

by

C. Gordon Young, Ph.D

When seventeen year old fraternal twins Nephi and Sariah Price discover a portal in the bottom of their grandpa's potato cellar, they swirl back in time to Book of Mormon days. Armed with only their testimonies and Nephi's Liahona decoder ring, they navigate a maze of wicked kings, stripling warriors, secret combinations, and a few harlots. Will our hero and heroine's Jaredite barge ever resurface? Will they win the tapir-drawn chariot race? Will they ever get through all of Second Nephi? Read this sword-wielding, sling-hurling page turner to find out.

The Mormon Urban Renewal Project

by

Dallin McConkie Smoot Richards II

Two LDS missionaries are sent to the south side of Chicago where they tract out a block that is frequented by crack dealers. The elders compete with the dealers by selling incredibly awesome Rice Krispies Treats they've created by combining their moms' recipes. The crack dealers go broke, the missionaries get rich, and everyone on the block joins the church. Devoting themselves to the gospel, the new members remove their tattoos, listen to Glen Beck, sell Amway, and pledge money to end gay marriage in California. As a result the entire block turns white! They put up picket fences, decorate their yards with garden gnomes, and petition the Chicago zoning office to transform a nearby abandoned school into a Costco Club.

Pride or Paycheck

by

Tisha Sweet

LDS English girl, Elizabeth Smith, is not yet one and twenty, and not in want of a husband. Indeed, nobody at the Hertfordshire Stake Singles' Ball could tempt her. Certainly not that snob from Salt Lake City, Rulon Parmenter. What nerve he has, arriving late, refusing to dance, and flaunting his upper class East Bench accent. Then her friend Charlotte tells her he's a flight attendant for Delta Airlines. Blimey! That's a real job! ... Could it be that Elizabeth has found her Brother Darcy?

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LDS Tours Offer Sensible Fun

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward
From: H. Roy Zilker, president of See Zion First! Mormon Travel and Tours
Subject: Upcoming vacations tailored just for you

Want to go abroad, but don't want to eat strange food, speak a different language, and deal with foreigners? Can't justify abandoning your church calling to go away "just for fun?" Never fear. The folks at See Zion First! have assembled an exciting line-up this year that will allow you to see the world without feeling like you've even left Sacrament Meeting.

Book of Mormon Tour, "Walk in Nephi's Footsteps."
Join us for a spiritually uplifting journey with renowned Book of Mormon scholar:

Jonathan Taylor Smith McConkie Pederson, AA, BA, MA, PhD, LLP, LPN, BSA, SAP

Participants will visit the actual sites of the Waters of Mormon, the Tree of Life, and the Rameumptom, meet a direct descendant of one of the 2000 Stripling Warriors, see where Jesus appeared to the Nephites, and (for an additional fee) speak to Jesus personally. Tour also includes a stop at the "El Footsteps de Nephi Trading Post," where proprietor Manny "Moroni" Gonzales stocks a host of treasures, such as authentic pieces of Nephi's steel bow and chunks of Lehi's ship. (Cash only, all sales final, vendor is armed and does not have access to the safe.) 

Historic Jaredite Barge Cruise.

Step back in time and cruise both above and beneath the sea just like the Jaredites in the Book of Mormon. Passengers sail in exact replicas of crafts reconstructed according to the instructions in Ether 2:16-24. Ships depart from the Port of San Francisco. Subsequent itinerary to be announced, as it is always difficult to predict which continent these barges will bob up on.

Viva Las Vegas! A Single Adult Super-Activity.

Experience Sin(less) City as you never have before! Join us five minutes from The Strip in the Mustang Middle School gym. Be prepared for some serious Vegas action -- Mormon style.
Dinner: Pot luck. Sisters to be assigned.

Show: The Winnemucca Ward Elvis Impersonators followed by a presentation by:

Jonathan Taylor Smith McConkie Pederson, AA, BA, MA, PhD, LLP, LPN, BSA, SAP

Gaming: Choose between Scripture Chase, LDS Hymnal Karaoke, and Back Room Bunco.* 

After that, dance the night away until you find "the one."**

*Temple recommend, 20% tithe, and completion of five family group sheets required for admission to Back Room.

**For your convenience the Las Vegas temple will be open 24 hours.

International Temple Excursion.

Enjoy the ultimate "in the world but not of it" experience on this whirlwind tour of the Mormon temples in Madrid, London, Copenhagen, Stockholm, Helsinki, Frankfurt, and The Hague. Meals, lovingly prepared by temple matrons, are included in the cost, and an LDS-owned air-conditioned coach delivers you directly to each temple door, ensuring that you rarely set foot off of church property. Want to soak up a little local color? Attend a session in the native language!

Speed Temple Tour for Single Gals.
Sisters are baptized for the dead in the Manhattan Temple, washed and anointed in London, and take out their endowment in Frankfurt. Finally they travel to the soon to be completed Rome temple to engage in a group sealing to Joseph Smith. Antonio Firenze Smoot, male model and member of the Tuscany Ward Elders' Quorum, will stand as proxy for the prophet Joseph. (Brother Smoot makes his cover debut in the next edition of Tall and Tawny Studs.) Tour limited to 200 women.


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