Musings From The Mission Field -- My Work Here Is Done!

To: abbottsville fourth ward
From: elder young, france, paris mission
Subject: the final stretch

dear abbottsville fourth,

thank you so much for all of your care packages, especially sister renfro's super-yummy marshmallow peep scones. comp and i gobbled them all up yesterday. after that we were bummed b/c we realized that our missions were almost over and we wouldn't be getting any more care packages. :-(((((

but that's ok b/c comp and i are too spirichally mature to worry about feeding our tummies. what's really important is feeding our spirits, and the best thing for that is missionary work!!! :-)))))

so comp and i grabbed what was left of our Joseph Smith pamphlets and road our bikes over to the Eyeful Tower. the square around the tower was packed with potential converts, but none of them wanted to hear our message. :-///

finally we climbed to the top of the tower and pitched all of the pamphlets into the wind, but as we watched the Lord's word drift all over paris, we felt bummed all over again. we hadn't even placed a Book of Mormon. :-((((((((

comp and i used to be the mission stars!!!! but now the 18 year old missionaries were stealing our thunder with their bold ideas and unique door approaches. -- at 21, comp and i were a couple of old fogies, so pathetic that it had been at least a week since that horse-faced sister missionary had tried to cream us with her handbag. :-((((((

comp and i climbed down from the tower and wandered the streets of paris, wondering what went wrong. we thought back to all of our awesome investigators. in every case, we'd gotten them right to the font's edge, then for some reason they hadn't been baptized. WTF(lip)???

first madame muzet had to cancel b/c her felony court sentencing date was moved back, then the doctor refused to release monsieur blanc from the asylum, and mademoiselle fusee had another run in with the vice squad. finally, our most golden investigator, Pierre, couldn't get baptized b/c his mommy refused to sign the paper.

oh my heck, what were we doing wrong???!!!!! then all of the sudden comp and i were struck with this amazing epifanny. why weren't we having better success with baptisms?

it was b/c of SATAN.

that was it, alright. in every case, we had been outfoxed by the prince of darkness. well, you better believe comp and i weren't going to let the evil one get ahead of us again!!!! :-))))

we did a little fist-pumping happy dance and then went to a quiet place beneath the Pont Noof and i said this prayer to Heavenly Father: "HF if you give comp and me one more golden investigator we promise we won't let your evil twin, SATAN, tempt him or her away to the dark side."

then we opened our eyes and this young woman appeared along the river's edge. she was wearing a lacy silk top, a leather skirt, and super-high heels that made her legs look way hot. comp and i were just like gawking at her when a gold halo appeared over her head. that's how we knew that she was the golden investigator that HF had sent just to us. only this time we had to act fast before SATAN got to her.

i raised my right arm to the square and declared, "super hot french lady, having been commissioned of Jesus Christ, i baptize you in the name of the father and the son and the holy ghost amen."

then comp and i pushed her into the river sane.

take that Satan!!!

hahahaha lololololol :-))))))))))))))))))

we did another happy dance, gave each other high fives, and in unison shouted: our work here is done! :-))))))))))))) hahahahaha

i can't wait to come home now b/c I can truly say that i served with honor and am going to give the best sacrament meeting talk ever!!!! but don't think i'll be getting lazy on you A-4. as soon as i'm released i'm going to get started on my next mission: finding a WIFE!!!!! :-)))))))))

and no way will i let SATAN come between me and my eternal mate!!!!

see you at the next potluck, A-4!!!! pssst -- i hope there's plenty of tater-tot casserole, it takes alot to sustain my testimony. hahahaha lolololol :-))))))))))))

love, elder young

If you would like to stop receiving these emails we may need to act fast before SATAN gets to you.

Musings From The Mission Field: I Was Way Ready At 18

To: abbottsville fourth ward
From: elder young, france paris mission
Subject: the new mission ages are true!

dear abbottsville fourth,

It was one of those times when you'll always remember where you were when you heard. Like the moon landing or when we captured bin laden or when the monica lewinsky story broke.

last saturday President Monson changed the age of full time missionaries from 19 to 18 for men, and from 21 to 19 for girls and cut their preparation time in the missionary training center.

and where were comp and i? 

sitting in the church on rue st. merri. 

and what did we do when the news broke? 

me, comp and all the other elders lept in the air, gave each other high 5's, ran out onto the rue st. merri and did a little happy dance all the way to the george pompidoo center and back. WOO HOO!

:-)))))))))))))))) hahahahahaha

only after that we were kind of bummed because that horse faced sister missionary and some other old maids were acting all bossy and prideful and saying that 18 was too young for us guys to go on missions and that we needed more not less training. :-(((((((

shows you how much THEY know. we're talking about lds priesthood holders here!!!! they're more than ready to serve at 18. heaven knows I was. and anywho, if an occasional elder is a little on the greenish side, he'll have seasoned elders like good old comp and me to raise him up to our level of spiritual maturity. :-))))))))

also missionaries need less not more training. take comp and me. we spent way too much time learning french. every time we try to talk to parisians in french all they do is shout back a bunch of words we weren't allowed to translate at the MTC. what good is that.???

all a missionary really needs to learn at the MTC is some unique door approaches, clever comebacks to all of satan's arguments, a commitment to "never take no for an answer," a little jujitsu, some basic escape and evasion tactics, and the ability to run like heck at a moment's notice. voila! hahahaha :-))))))))))))))

so take that sister horse face and all you other miss bossy pantses. face it, what's really bothering you is that the new 19 year old sister missionaries are going to be way hotter than any of you and when you get back home youll all be in your mid-twenties and too over the hill and fat and prideful to get dates. SO THERE! :-PPPPP

thanks again for all the care packages, especially sister renfro's coconut filled mud balls. please send more. it takes alot to sustain our testimonies! :-))))))))

love, elder young

If you would like to stop receiving these emails, we suggest you learn some basic escape and evasion tactics.

Musings From The Mission Field - I'm Just Like Mitt!

To: abbottsville 4th ward
From: elder young, france paris mission
Subject: i'm just like elder romney!!!!! :-))))

hey abbottsville 4th!!!!!

first of all, thanks to sister renfro for the super yummy cream filled coconut balls! :-)))) comp and I polished off all 4 dozen of them in like idk a minute. haahahahaha

But even more thanks to brother newsome for sending us that giant box of romney stickers!!!!!! :-)))))

when we first saw them we hollered out YES!!!! gave each other double high-five and did a little happy dance all around the post office. then we looked around to see that everyone was all quiet and starring at us. that made us bummed all over again--not because people were all quiet and starring at us. that happens all the time. :-)))) we were bummed that the only people around us were french and they can't vote for elder romney. :-((((((((((((

then it hit us. ELDER ROMNEY-GeT IT? he also served a mission in france!!!! he tracted out Noter Dame and the Loover just like us, same way with the Musay Rodant. he probably even placed book of mormons at Hermies on the rue st. hornery, JUSt LIKE US!!! not only that, he probably had some super cool foot races with the gendarmes and the french police and who knows who else!!!! :-))))))

now it was clear that Heavenly Father had sent us here to bare witness not only to all the great things elder romney had done for america--but also for france!!!!! hahahahaha :-)))))) comp and i planned right then and there to spend our next preparation day going back to all those places and pass out romney stickers.

only when P day rolled around we found out that a bunch of us were supposed to go on this dumb field trip. It was arranged by that horse-faced sister missionary whose always going on about culture and trying to get us to look at art and stuff. this time she made us go to this place called givenchy, the home of this weird painter guy named Monay who obviously had really screwed up eyesight. anyway who cared about him? elder romney was way more interesting.

most people seemed to be outside, so comp and i went out into this really big backyard and wound around past all these people who were oohing and aahing over the flowers. It was an okay garden and all, but nothing like my Aunt Wilma's. it didn't even have nomes.

finally we got to this lake with a super tall footbridge. right off i knew it would be the perfect place to speak to the crowd about elder romney. then i turned to see horseface running toward us.

"where are you two going? we haven't finished our tour of the house yet."

"comp and i came outside to speak to people about elder romney."

"you will do no such thing"

-- her face got all red and she started to shake. also her voice sounded even more sarcastic than usual. i was a little scared but i didn't let on --

"i am determined to have one experience in france that isn't ruined by you two IMBECILES! will you please come back to the house!"

see what i mean about horseface? luckily comp and i don't let it get to us. we know that we're way more spiritually mature than she is. also she's just a girl.

"no way MISS BOSSY PANTS," i told her. hahahahaha

she unhooked that 10 ton sack of cement she calls a handbag from her shoulder and swung it at my head. i ducked and she went flying over me into the pond. she and the cement sack made this enormous splash and disappeared in the water. for a sec i was worried b/c she was under kind of a long time. then she came to the surface with her skirt over her head and started to drag the cement back to shore. boy does that girl have fat knees. at least i think it was her knee.

anywho, comp and i seized the opportunity and raced to the top of the bridge. comp took the stickers out of his backpack and tossed them toward the people along the banks. only the wind caught them and they all fell in the water, which was great because it turned monay's pond into a giant floating romney ad. then i called out:

Attention french citizens! we come as elder romney's ambassadors, and are happy to report that soon the leader of the free world will be a man who has done as much for France as comp and i have!

then things went all quiet, and everyone was starring at us. It was way spiritchul. :-))))

please keep those care packages coming, abbottsville 4th. comp and i need lots to sustain our testimonies. also send more stickers. we'll need 10 times as many when we visit Versatille!!!! hahaha lolololololololololololol :-)))))))))

love, elder young

If you would like to stop receiving these emails, you can just forget it MISS BOSSY PANTS!

Holiday Musings From The Mission Field

To: abbottsville fourth ward
From: elder young, france paris mission
Subject: bon jour from the mission field!!!!

hey abbottsville fourth!!!!

first off, thanks all of you for your letters and care packages!! especially sister renfro for the super yummy yule log, and mom for my favorite snowball cookies with the extra chocolate chunks and marshmellow peeps. my comp says i have the best ward ever!!! 

i was bummed at the beginning of the week when we learnt that our most golden investigator, pierre, can't be baptized b/c his mommy refused to sign the paper. so now he has to wait 10 long years until he's a legal adult. :(((( also, it's christmas and instead of being home with mom and dad and gramma and uncle burt and aunt tooty, i'm here with comp in dumb old paris. then comp reminded me that we were in gay par-ee, and we should be gay!!! but i didn't feel gay. not even a little. :-/

but as a representative of the one and only true church, i had the spiritual maturity to ignore my personal needs and go about the work of the lord. so comp and i put on our happy faces and road our bikes over to the rue st. hornery to pass out pamphlets.

the street was packed with super uppity french people shopping for gifts at hoity toity stores like hermie's and verscratchy. of course they were all to prideful to take a pamphlet, but comp and i didn't let that stop us. we started sticking them anywhere we could, like in people's bags, or under their armpits. comp even managed to attach one to this old lady's hat!!! lol hahahahahaha :-))))) sometimes people got all mad and threw them on the ground, but that was ok cause then the wind just blew them all over france!!!  :-)))))


but here it was almost christmas and all anyone wanted to do was prance around in their gold and silver and fancy clothes and waist there filthy liquor on expensive things instead of listening to our humble message. it kind of reminded me of that Book of Mormon story where all the righteous people were holding onto the rod while the evil hateful ones were living it up in the great and spacious building. then i remembered how in primary class i told teacher that i wanted to climb up the tree of knowledge and swing like tarzan into the building and call everyone to repentance. teacher told me i was cute, but now i realized i was not only cute but also inspired. :-))))))


so comp and i charged into hermie's, pulled the mannequins off this display thingie, climbed up in their place, and i said:

"my fellow parisians, stop spending your filthy liquor on gold and silver and other hoity toity thingies. comp and i have a far more precious gift for you to give, the Book of Mormon!"

then this important looking man came up and demanded we get down from the display thingie. we said we wouldn't and he said we had to and we told him not until we red from the Book of Mormon. he started screaming for us to get down right away. we told him we didn't have to get down b/c we were god's servants and pretty soon we'd be gods ourselves -- while all he'd ever amount to is a lonely eunich way down in a lower kingdome. :-p

then he lunged at our legs. i jumped away and off the display thingie, but he got a hold of comp and said he was taking him to security. i ordered him to release comp. he refused. i raised my right arm to the square and ordered in the name of Jesus Christ. he still refused. so i grabbed a perfume bottle off this counter and sprayed him in the face. he let go of comp and yelled for security. the gendarmes came running through the store and we started running and pretty soon we were in a super cool chase scene like in the davinci code only instead of wonky professors we were valiant servants of the Lord which made us way cooler than tom hanks!!!! :-)))))

this went on for i don't know how long. maybe an hour. then we finally lost them when we ducked behind this curtain. we thought we were safe until we looked up and saw this lady staring at us in nothing but a bra and panties. sacre bleu!!!   = O   she just rolled her eyes and glared at us -- kind of like that horse faced sister missionary does whenever she sees us coming. we placed a Book of Mormon with her then escaped through an emergency exit.

minutes later comp and i found a quiet place in the jardeen de tweeteries, knelt in prayer, and thanked Heavenly Father for our many blessings. not only had we shared the gospel, placed a Book of Mormon and escaped the gendarmes, i still had that perfume bottle!!!! :-)))))) merry christmas mom! hahahaha

all in a day's work for comp and i. please keep sending care packages, it takes a lot to sustain our testimonies. hahaha :-)))) lol lol lol 


love to all of you :-))))


If you would like to stop receiving these emails, we'll send over one of Sister Renfro's super yummy yule logs.