Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Musings From The Mission Field

To: abbottsville fourth ward
From: elder young, france paris mission
Subject: bon jour from the mission field!!!!

hey abbottsville fourth!!!!

first off, thanks all of you for your letters and care packages, especially the ones with the rice krispy treats and chocolate covered gummy bears!! my comp says i have the best ward ever!!! 

we were bummed this morning when we learnt that Monsieur Blanc's physician isn't ready to discharge him from the asylum, so he can't be baptized until febuary. 
but then my comp reminded me again that we were in gay par-ee, and we should be gay!!! hahaha (btw, i totally knew that by gay he meant happy, and he knew i knew that btw.) hahaha :-))))

so comp and i went to the park and looked for people to share our message with. most were in a hurry and too prideful to stop, but every once in a while we came across some folks who were eating a meal, or reading, or hugging and kissing, and we'd sit down and quote scripture to them. :-))) still we weren't achieving the kind of statistical success Heavenly Father and our mission president expect.

so we hopped on our bikes and road over to the Loover, where we saw a ginormous amount of people going inside. comp and i thought, ohmiheck, if we only had the admission price, we could probably convert hundreds! :-)))) so we said a little prayer, then waited for an answer and when nothing happened we sighed and road away, then all at once hit the brakes when we saw the exact amount of euros we needed to get into the Loover just lying out on this little bistro table. hahaha :-))))

ohmiheck it was a sign!

so we took the money, paid the admission and wandered around until we saw 2 hot american girls looking at a painting of a completely naked man!!  =-0  comp and i ran over and blocked their view. they got mad and told us to go away, and we told them we had an important message for them, and they said they didn't want our message, and we told them they were being prideful, and they said they weren't, and we said they were, and they asked why we wouldn't move aside so they could see the works of Michael Angelo, and we said because ours were more impressive than his, and they slapped us.

when our faces stopped stinging the 2 hot american girls had disappeared. so comp and i went around jumping in front of other paintings until people agreed to hear our message. :-))) this worked pretty well until we got to the Mona Lisa and the guards pulled us aside and called the police. (btw, Mona isn't really that much of a hottie, she looks kinda like this horse-faced sister missionary who wears that same stuck-up expression on her face whenever she sees me and comp coming. hahaha :-))))

after that, it was kind of a blur. first comp and i tried to share our message with the guards, but they were way grumpy, so we sang the popcorn popping on the apricot tree song until they covered their ears and closed their eyes just long enough for us to slip past, only the gendarmes appeared, aimed their guns, and ordered us to freeze. 

first comp and i asked if we could share a message with them, when that didn't work we raised our right arms to the square and ordered them to leave by the power of our holy priesthood, when that didn't work, we ran. 

the gendarmes came after us, and we sped up, and they sped up, and pretty soon we were in a super-cool chase scene like the one in the Fugitive, only instead of being innocent doctors, we were righteous and exemplary representatives of the lds church, which made us way cooler than Harrison Ford. our race through the Loover went on for idk how long -- maybe an hour. then finally the gendarmes' way was blocked when comp and i accidentally knocked over this urn thingy. (it's ok, i'm pretty sure we only dented it. :-)))

comp and i walked back to our apartment this afternoon feeling like the spiritual giants that Heavenly Father intended His servants to be. we humbly prayed that tomorrow He might leave us more money at the bistro so that we can tract out the museydeorsay! hahahaha :-)))  

please keep sending care packages, it takes a lot to sustain our testimonies. also a couple of those paris museum passes would be cool. hahaha :-))))

love to all of you :-))))

elder young

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  1. I'd be less afraid of those guards and more afraid of the bistro server once s/he discovers that Mormons stole a tip!

    ". . . they asked why we wouldn't move aside so they could see the works of Michael Angelo, and we said because ours were more impressive than his, and they slapped us."


  2. good lord, lady, you regularly just write posts too close for comfort <3

  3. This has got to be your best yet! I especially loved the use of "hahaha :))))". Its exactly how my brothers in law write all the time, and so annoying!!

  4. Dear Elder Young: I was going to invite you to come out of the closet until I read that you visited the Loover.

    Hahahahaha!!! Best laugh of the day, Donna. Especially that golden convert-to-be currently subject to involuntary commitment. LMAO. Truly. My love handles are shrinking as we speak.

  5. Ahab, I'm afraid that no matter what the bistro waiter, the hot American girls, or the gendarmes do, Elder Young and his comp will always see them as potential investigators.

    Lisa and Becky, it's so close to home it writes itself.

    And Kate, what is it with the amped up smiley faces? They drive me nuts too.

    CD, do you think Elder Young is in denial about his sexuality? Does he have one?

    Thanks for reading you guys. Glad we finally laugh about all this.

  6. I'm betting Elder Young is very gay in Gay Paree.

  7. He's either gay like JZ said or he's in denial about his asexuality. Wait, I take that back. He's embraced it!

  8. LOL, or maybe he's just 10 years old mentally.

  9. Your wit amazes me, Donna.

    And I have been telling a lot of my friends about your blog so you may get a few more followers because they adore you as well!

    BTW CONGRATS!!! I just saw that you won the Brodie award. That's a huge accomplishment.

  10. Thanks Russo, I love reading your work on Challenging the Gnome. In fact, I'm headed there now!