From: Dennis Newsome, Stake Public Affairs Council and Local Romney Campaign Chair
Subject: How I stuck up for Mitt
Dear Abbottsville Stake Members,
I was recently interviewed on our hometown morning show, Cockadoodle-doo Abbottsville! Take a gander at the transcript and tell me how I did. Go Mitt!
Host Vern Hamilton: Good Morning and welcome to Cockadoodle-doo Abbottsville! Our first guest is Mr. Dennis Newsome who is a member of the LDS Church and also the chair of the Abbottsville Romney campaign. Thank you for being here, Mr. Newsome.
Newsome: My pleasure Vern.
Hamilton: Mr. Newsome, I understand that you feel Governor Romney has been miscast in the media.
Newsome: Indeed I do, Vern. In my opinion one of the most heinous characterizations of the former governor is that he is an elite who goes around sipping champagne and eating caviar at fancy cocktail parties.
Hamilton: Well, I think most people understand that as a devout Mormon, the governor doesn't drink champagne, however he is extraordinarily privileged, wouldn't you say?
Newsome: On the contrary, he's the salt of the earth. Why the closest he gets to champagne is Martinelli's Cider, or homemade root beer at an LDS ward potluck.
Hamilton: But aside from what he drinks, he is Ivy League educated, owns multiple houses in exclusive neighborhoods, has offshore bank accounts . . .
Newsome: And is as comfortable as your favorite worn blue jeans. Why he doesn't even care for caviar. Give him some Jello-O and Cool Whip at the good old potluck and he's happy.
Hamilton: But he's also really really rich, right?
Newsome: Absolutely! And proud of it. He tells people that as often as possible.
Hamilton: I see, so what you're saying is he has no semblance of .... class.
Newsome: Not class conscious in the least.
Hamilton: Yes, well, I'm glad you cleared that up.
Newsome: Have you noticed he's started wearing blue jeans?
Hamilton: Do you mean to say he's just a humble "rank and file" Mormon?
Newsome: Of course.
Hamilton: Does he also serve in various volunteer capacities within the LDS Church?
Newsome: Oh yes, as a bishop, stake president, high councilman, you name it.
Hamilton: Then, as a member of the "rank and file," may we assume he also takes his turn cleaning his ward's meetinghouse?
Newsome: Heck no. Are you kidding? The man makes $57,000 a day, for crying out loud!
Hamilton: Indeed he does. Well, thank you, Mr. Newsome, for being our guest.
Newsome: Anytime Vern.
Hamilton: Our next guest claims her rabbit has psychic abilities. Please stay tuned.