From: Susan Renfro, Ward Relief Society President
Subject: How to be a Supermom
Because many members of our Relief Society complain about the stresses of motherhood, I'm forwarding this transcript from a recent installment of GET A LIFE! courtesy BYU Television.
Good morning, I'm Karen Bailey, hostess of GET A LIFE! Today our guest is Dr. David Doosh from the BYU Counseling Center. He is here discuss how to be a "supermom." Welcome to our show, Dr. Doosh.Dr. Doosh:
Thank you for having me.Sister Bailey:
Dr. Doosh, many mothers in our community complain that they can't be what some call "Supermoms," meaning that they just can't do it all. For example, a friend recently told me that she wished her husband would watch the children more often and that he would stop referring to it "babysitting." After all, he's the parent too. What would you say to this woman?Dr. Doosh:
I would tell your friend to reframe her outlook. Yes, they are both parents, but they have entirely different stewardships. When her husband refers to caring for his own children as "babysitting" he is paying her an obvious compliment. He is telling his wife that he knows he has neither the patience nor the inclination for childcare that she possesses. The same is true when he leaves the cooking and the cleaning in her charge.Sister Bailey:
Interesting. So you're saying my friend's husband is really being considerate?Dr. Doosh:
Exactly. Look at it this way. What if she were to say to her husband, "Honey, how about if I fly to Vegas and attend your convention, and you stay home and be the mom." Well, he'd probably be insulted, don't you think?Sister Bailey:
Yes, I see your point. Now, Doctor, what advice would you give the mother who just doesn't have enough time or energy to complete all of the chores on her list?Dr. Doosh:
First off, she needs to prioritize. She could begin by recognizing that as head of the household, her husband's needs come first. Accordingly, the top of her list should include things like "food" and "sex." After that, "laundry," "carpool," "vacuuming," etc. Then at the bottom, things like "personal time."Sister Bailey:
So if she can't do it all, she can at least accomplish the important things.Dr. Doosh:
Yes, and I'd also tell her to quit thinking of it as a "list of chores" and start thinking of it as a "list of opportunities." For example, instead of bemoaning how much she hates cleaning the toilet, she could be grateful for the opportunity to eliminate her husband's waste.Sister Bailey:
I sure enjoy flushing my husband's waste.Dr. Doosh:
My wife says the same thing! It's a natural feminine reaction. Remember it's not the task. It's the task itself. If a woman would stop reacting to the task, and start appreciating the task itself, she'd lose sight of the task, love the task itself, and stop overreacting to the tasking. I think... Anyway, it's not personal.Sister Bailey:
What about the mother who is depressed because her life isn't turning out the way she expected it would? How would you help her meet her expectations?Dr. Doosh:
I'd tell her to lower them. After all, who does she think she is? I'd also tell her to learn to laugh. Laughter is a huge buffer. When she feels like crying -- laugh. When she's exhausted and wants to lie down -- laugh. When she's so angry she wants to scream -- laugh. My wife laughs all day long. It's marvelous.Sister Bailey:
One final question, Doctor. I have a dear, dear friend who told me last week that she just isn't cut out to be a wife and mother, that she has neither the desire nor the skills to fill that role. What would you say to her?Dr. Doosh:
I'd say she's being too hard on herself. I mean she must have a few talents. At the very least, she's probably good in bed. That's something to be proud of. So she should focus on what she's good at, and in the meantime work on developing the other skills. For example, she could take a cooking class.
I have been talking with Dr. David Doosh of the BYU Counseling Center. Thank you for sharing your excellent advice with our viewers, Doctor.
You're very welcome!Sister Bailey:
Next week on GET A LIFE! my guest will be Dr. Nephi Gladstone from the BYU Medical Center. We will discuss how temple garments can increase sexual fulfillment. Be sure and tune in!
If you would like to stop receiving these emails, you're probably confusing the task with the task at hand.