If you run into any rank and file Mormons tonight, hold back on the tricks and give them extra treats. They've had a very scary month.
First there was the weeklong requisite "I'm a Mormon!" on their social media profiles. After that, the mind-numbing semi-annual General Conference. Next came a mandatory ticket purchase for the feature length infomercial, Meet the Mormons. Then last week: the double whammy. A flimsy defense of Joseph Smith's relations with 14-year-olds and married women. AND … get this, Gentle Readers ... a commercial about their underwear.
I'm not kidding. Their underwear. If you don't believe me, check it out here.
Please tell me this isn't going to lead to another mass profile picture switch.
I admit, this latest string of events has been a gift for bloggers like me. For several weeks now, Mormon Inc. has written the satire for me, and for that I thank them. But, really, how much humiliation can the poor faithful endure?
The new Mormon Newsroom video's central premise is that devout Mormons are just like the orthodox of other faiths, namely Roman Catholics, Jews, Muslims, and Buddhists who also wear ceremonial and symbolic clothing.
-- Perhaps. But there's at least one glaring difference between these ancient religious cultures and the Mormons. There aren't any Madison Avenue-style commercials defending the nuns' habits - Jewish prayer shawls - Muslim skull caps - Buddhist saffron robes. The participants simply wear them. Without apology and without obsessing over what others think. --
The video then concludes in classic LDS fashion. With a blatant lie. In this case, the claim that there is nothing "magical or mystical" about the temple garment.
-- Bulls**t! If I had a dollar for every faith-promoting story I've heard about garments protecting someone in a fire, I'd be a rich woman. And I always got dirty looks when I pointed out that they're flame retardant. No way. It was those magic symbols that saved poor Brother Schmuck's bacon! --
So, if you run into some rank and file Mormons today, be especially nice. Their leaders just used their tithing money to splash pictures of their underwear all over the Internet.
The fact is the Mormons are persecuted, but not by outsiders. By their own leaders.
For the few devout who read this blog, if it's any consolation, there may be a lot of San Franciscans wearing some ceremonial underpants of our own following Wednesday night's game. Check it out here.
Finally, there's more scary news breaking today. Kate Kelly just learned her appeal has been denied. Read more here.
Happy Halloween!
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