Thursday, January 13, 2011

It's Relief Society Book Club Time!

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward
From: Susan Renfro, Ward Relief Society President
Subject: February Book Club Meeting

Dear Sisters,
Please choose from the following titles:

Go Sit in the Corner
for women

Latter-day Saint sisters can prepare for another interesting read this February with the choice of the following titles from Go Sit in the Corner for women.

FREEZE!  a memoir
 Sergeant K. "Rocky" Maxwell (Ret.)

For four decades Sergeant Maxwell served as both a beat cop and a Mormon bishop, demonstrating the discipline, the courage, and the sheer guts the two roles demand. Gun in one hand and Book of Mormon in the other, Maxwell patrolled the city streets and the ward meetinghouse, keeping his citizens safe, and his sacrament meetings reverent. Read the inspiring story that the LDS Church Correlation Committee is currently referencing for the next edition of the bishop's Official Church Handbook.

The Reformed Egyptian Code
G. Hyrum Madsen, PhD

BYU religion professor, LaVerl Evans, is hired by the Department of Homeland Security to decipher some terrorist communications in Egypt. To his amazement, instead of messages from terrorists, the writing turns out to be an encrypted version of the 116  lost pages of the Book of Mormon! Brother Evans then finds himself in a race to rescue the sacred pages from a nefarious cabal of feminists, gays, and so-called intellectuals who plan to turn them into a really bad situation comedy. Based on a true story.

Mandy's Dilemma 
Joyce Featherstone Smith

Rhodes Scholar, Pulitzer Prize winning journalist, and occasional swimsuit model, Mandy Bates, spends her return flight from Paris contemplating her vapid, insignificant, and unsatisfying life. Upon landing, she wanders into a Hogi Yogi , intent on drowning her sorrows in a succession of Mint Cookie Collisions. Instead she catches the eye of the tawny and buff assistant manager, Thad Sorenson.  As soon as his shift is over, they hit the town together, and take in the Orem nightlife. Her appetite aroused by her first taste of wholesome fun, Mandy accepts Thad's invitation to the upcoming ward pot luck. Later she remembers -- the pot luck conflicts with her scheduled photo shoot on Leonardo DeCaprio's yacht. 
Herein lies Mandy's dilemma:

 Laugh, cry, and prepare for your heart to be touched, when you read of Mandy's struggle over this tough call.

If you would like to stop receiving these e-mails, we'll assume you're one of the feminists, gays, or so-called intellectuals who voted in the 2010 Brodie Awards.


  1. A situational comedy? I can totally picture it.

    OLIVER COWDERY: Joseph Smith! Drop those urim and thummin stones this instant!

    -- BONK! --


  2. Thanks Ahab. If only we still had Leslie Nielson around to play the lead.

  3. You forgot to mention that all book titles were approved by the local Stake and Ward leaders (i.e., men) to be suitable for viewing by their chattel... er, wives.

  4. OMG, Madame Curie! I'm afraid the titles weren't approved. If they had been, Thad wouldn't be buff and tawny -- he'd be a squirrelly little nerd that plays video games and forgets to brush his teeth. -- ala the hero of your recent blog post! ;-)

  5. I love it when it's "Go Sit in the Corner for Women" time!

  6. OMG. I REALLY want to read "The Reformed Egyptian Code." Seriously. And Ahab's suggestion -- LOL! (Ahab, you have totally been corrupted. The Mormon missionaries will never be able to convert you.)

  7. Thanks,Sarah. As usual I've based this on actual offerings in the DB catalog. And CD, I feel like Ahab is one of us -- which I mean as a compliment, although it may not feel like one to him!

  8. You've captured Mormon Literature themes so perfectly Donna. If there's a glass ceiling in Mormonism it's in intellectual and emotional maturity and the themes of these books cater to that eternal 13 yr. old trapped in every Mormon. "Be like unto a little child" is not just a trite colloquialism and scripture, it's a measuring stick for all media influence!!

    I wonder if Leanardo DiCaprio would mind if I stepped into the Super Model's shoes and joined him on that boat. I look exactly like her except I'm 48, plump, a little used up, have short hair, failing eyesight, a gimpy knee, a few scars, kankles, and look better in a bikini if it's got a burhka swim suit cover, and only when it's a moonless night. Other than that we could pass for twins.

  9. @Insana D. Sounds like you and I could pass for twins. I'm going with you!

  10. Donna Banta and Cognitive Dissenter -- You're too sweet! It's an honor to be one of you.

  11. @Ahab, Fantastic! At a future appointed time, CD and I will fly to the east coast and engage in the requisite secret ceremony with you!

  12. Donna, as usual, i peed while reading your post. The Reformed Egyptian Code--for realzes, you MUST write this novel!

  13. crapstain, I think we should co-author -- we need your name on the cover!