Musings From Beyond The Mission Field--First Stop London!

To: abbottsville fourth ward
From: elder young, france paris mission
Subject: the world is our campus!

dear abbottsville fourth,

in my last email i wrote about how excited i am to be coming home and giving my missionary return talk. and i know how excited all of you are about hearing it. but it's going to have to wait, b/c comp's and my stake president got together and decided to release us online if we promised to stay out of the states for at least another 6 months! :-))))))

we were so excited we did a little happy dance all over the mission home. then we were kind of bummed b/c the mission president didn't like the idea. but rather than give up, we mustered all of our spirichal maturity dropped to our knees and begged "please please please, president, PULEEZE!" he finally agreed if we promised to leave france. we were like, DUH, why would we stay in france? after 2 years here on the Lord's errand we were already the ultimate frankofiles!!!! :)))))))))

so comp and i arrived in london yesterday and checked into this hostel run by this sweet old lady named Mrs. Hathaway who right off asked if we might like a spot of tea. we of course answered that no way would we ever partake of something so vile and sinful--but we said it nicely b/c we knew she meant well.

then we set out to have the typical london experience: we walked across Hide Park and hollered "pip pip and cheerio" to the everyone we met, and then headed over to buckingham palace where we leapt around and made silly faces at the queen's guards for an hour or so. after that we hit an authentic london pub. :-))))))))

DON'T WORRY A-4!!! we didn't drink any alcohol, i promise. :-O all we had was this super yummy cider--like 5 or 6 cups cuz all that leaping around had made us way thirsty. after that we started feeling the spirit really strong, in fact i was so swept up in it that all i can remember is standing on the bar and baring my testimony, then baring it again while dangling over the shoulder of this big huge dude named nigel. then again while comp and me were crawling up Mrs. Hathaway's front steps. it was way spirichal.

we woke up this morning on the floor of her lobby covered in blankets. Mrs. H was standing over us. she asked if we might like a spot of tea. we said no, only not as nicely this time b/c it was then obvious that she doesn't respect our standards. :-///////

i'm sorry A-4, i know how anxious you are to hear me share all my sacred mission experiences in church, but comp and i just cant pass up an opportunity to see all of europe. imagine how even better my talk will be when i get back!!! i'll be like the ward's official citizen of the world.   :-)))))))

love, elder young

p.s. instead of the usual marshmallow filled fudge bombs, comp and i could really use a little extra cash. last night's pub tab used up half of our pounds, and with the exchange rate here, it takes a lot to sustain our testimonies.

If you think you'd like to stop receiving these emails now, just wait until you see the hour-long youtube video of elder young and comp leaping around in front of the Queen's Guard.

Also, check out another great review of False Prophet here.

Musings From The Mission Field -- My Work Here Is Done!

To: abbottsville fourth ward
From: elder young, france, paris mission
Subject: the final stretch

dear abbottsville fourth,

thank you so much for all of your care packages, especially sister renfro's super-yummy marshmallow peep scones. comp and i gobbled them all up yesterday. after that we were bummed b/c we realized that our missions were almost over and we wouldn't be getting any more care packages. :-(((((

but that's ok b/c comp and i are too spirichally mature to worry about feeding our tummies. what's really important is feeding our spirits, and the best thing for that is missionary work!!! :-)))))

so comp and i grabbed what was left of our Joseph Smith pamphlets and road our bikes over to the Eyeful Tower. the square around the tower was packed with potential converts, but none of them wanted to hear our message. :-///

finally we climbed to the top of the tower and pitched all of the pamphlets into the wind, but as we watched the Lord's word drift all over paris, we felt bummed all over again. we hadn't even placed a Book of Mormon. :-((((((((

comp and i used to be the mission stars!!!! but now the 18 year old missionaries were stealing our thunder with their bold ideas and unique door approaches. -- at 21, comp and i were a couple of old fogies, so pathetic that it had been at least a week since that horse-faced sister missionary had tried to cream us with her handbag. :-((((((

comp and i climbed down from the tower and wandered the streets of paris, wondering what went wrong. we thought back to all of our awesome investigators. in every case, we'd gotten them right to the font's edge, then for some reason they hadn't been baptized. WTF(lip)???

first madame muzet had to cancel b/c her felony court sentencing date was moved back, then the doctor refused to release monsieur blanc from the asylum, and mademoiselle fusee had another run in with the vice squad. finally, our most golden investigator, Pierre, couldn't get baptized b/c his mommy refused to sign the paper.

oh my heck, what were we doing wrong???!!!!! then all of the sudden comp and i were struck with this amazing epifanny. why weren't we having better success with baptisms?

it was b/c of SATAN.

that was it, alright. in every case, we had been outfoxed by the prince of darkness. well, you better believe comp and i weren't going to let the evil one get ahead of us again!!!! :-))))

we did a little fist-pumping happy dance and then went to a quiet place beneath the Pont Noof and i said this prayer to Heavenly Father: "HF if you give comp and me one more golden investigator we promise we won't let your evil twin, SATAN, tempt him or her away to the dark side."

then we opened our eyes and this young woman appeared along the river's edge. she was wearing a lacy silk top, a leather skirt, and super-high heels that made her legs look way hot. comp and i were just like gawking at her when a gold halo appeared over her head. that's how we knew that she was the golden investigator that HF had sent just to us. only this time we had to act fast before SATAN got to her.

i raised my right arm to the square and declared, "super hot french lady, having been commissioned of Jesus Christ, i baptize you in the name of the father and the son and the holy ghost amen."

then comp and i pushed her into the river sane.

take that Satan!!!

hahahaha lololololol :-))))))))))))))))))

we did another happy dance, gave each other high fives, and in unison shouted: our work here is done! :-))))))))))))) hahahahaha

i can't wait to come home now b/c I can truly say that i served with honor and am going to give the best sacrament meeting talk ever!!!! but don't think i'll be getting lazy on you A-4. as soon as i'm released i'm going to get started on my next mission: finding a WIFE!!!!! :-)))))))))

and no way will i let SATAN come between me and my eternal mate!!!!

see you at the next potluck, A-4!!!! pssst -- i hope there's plenty of tater-tot casserole, it takes alot to sustain my testimony. hahahaha lolololol :-))))))))))))

love, elder young

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Musings From The Mission Field: I Was Way Ready At 18

To: abbottsville fourth ward
From: elder young, france paris mission
Subject: the new mission ages are true!

dear abbottsville fourth,

It was one of those times when you'll always remember where you were when you heard. Like the moon landing or when we captured bin laden or when the monica lewinsky story broke.

last saturday President Monson changed the age of full time missionaries from 19 to 18 for men, and from 21 to 19 for girls and cut their preparation time in the missionary training center.

and where were comp and i? 

sitting in the church on rue st. merri. 

and what did we do when the news broke? 

me, comp and all the other elders lept in the air, gave each other high 5's, ran out onto the rue st. merri and did a little happy dance all the way to the george pompidoo center and back. WOO HOO!

:-)))))))))))))))) hahahahahaha

only after that we were kind of bummed because that horse faced sister missionary and some other old maids were acting all bossy and prideful and saying that 18 was too young for us guys to go on missions and that we needed more not less training. :-(((((((

shows you how much THEY know. we're talking about lds priesthood holders here!!!! they're more than ready to serve at 18. heaven knows I was. and anywho, if an occasional elder is a little on the greenish side, he'll have seasoned elders like good old comp and me to raise him up to our level of spiritual maturity. :-))))))))

also missionaries need less not more training. take comp and me. we spent way too much time learning french. every time we try to talk to parisians in french all they do is shout back a bunch of words we weren't allowed to translate at the MTC. what good is that.???

all a missionary really needs to learn at the MTC is some unique door approaches, clever comebacks to all of satan's arguments, a commitment to "never take no for an answer," a little jujitsu, some basic escape and evasion tactics, and the ability to run like heck at a moment's notice. voila! hahahaha :-))))))))))))))

so take that sister horse face and all you other miss bossy pantses. face it, what's really bothering you is that the new 19 year old sister missionaries are going to be way hotter than any of you and when you get back home youll all be in your mid-twenties and too over the hill and fat and prideful to get dates. SO THERE! :-PPPPP

thanks again for all the care packages, especially sister renfro's coconut filled mud balls. please send more. it takes alot to sustain our testimonies! :-))))))))

love, elder young

If you would like to stop receiving these emails, we suggest you learn some basic escape and evasion tactics.

Musings From The Mission Field - I'm Just Like Mitt!

To: abbottsville 4th ward
From: elder young, france paris mission
Subject: i'm just like elder romney!!!!! :-))))

hey abbottsville 4th!!!!!

first of all, thanks to sister renfro for the super yummy cream filled coconut balls! :-)))) comp and I polished off all 4 dozen of them in like idk a minute. haahahahaha

But even more thanks to brother newsome for sending us that giant box of romney stickers!!!!!! :-)))))

when we first saw them we hollered out YES!!!! gave each other double high-five and did a little happy dance all around the post office. then we looked around to see that everyone was all quiet and starring at us. that made us bummed all over again--not because people were all quiet and starring at us. that happens all the time. :-)))) we were bummed that the only people around us were french and they can't vote for elder romney. :-((((((((((((

then it hit us. ELDER ROMNEY-GeT IT? he also served a mission in france!!!! he tracted out Noter Dame and the Loover just like us, same way with the Musay Rodant. he probably even placed book of mormons at Hermies on the rue st. hornery, JUSt LIKE US!!! not only that, he probably had some super cool foot races with the gendarmes and the french police and who knows who else!!!! :-))))))

now it was clear that Heavenly Father had sent us here to bare witness not only to all the great things elder romney had done for america--but also for france!!!!! hahahahaha :-)))))) comp and i planned right then and there to spend our next preparation day going back to all those places and pass out romney stickers.

only when P day rolled around we found out that a bunch of us were supposed to go on this dumb field trip. It was arranged by that horse-faced sister missionary whose always going on about culture and trying to get us to look at art and stuff. this time she made us go to this place called givenchy, the home of this weird painter guy named Monay who obviously had really screwed up eyesight. anyway who cared about him? elder romney was way more interesting.

most people seemed to be outside, so comp and i went out into this really big backyard and wound around past all these people who were oohing and aahing over the flowers. It was an okay garden and all, but nothing like my Aunt Wilma's. it didn't even have nomes.

finally we got to this lake with a super tall footbridge. right off i knew it would be the perfect place to speak to the crowd about elder romney. then i turned to see horseface running toward us.

"where are you two going? we haven't finished our tour of the house yet."

"comp and i came outside to speak to people about elder romney."

"you will do no such thing"

-- her face got all red and she started to shake. also her voice sounded even more sarcastic than usual. i was a little scared but i didn't let on --

"i am determined to have one experience in france that isn't ruined by you two IMBECILES! will you please come back to the house!"

see what i mean about horseface? luckily comp and i don't let it get to us. we know that we're way more spiritually mature than she is. also she's just a girl.

"no way MISS BOSSY PANTS," i told her. hahahahaha

she unhooked that 10 ton sack of cement she calls a handbag from her shoulder and swung it at my head. i ducked and she went flying over me into the pond. she and the cement sack made this enormous splash and disappeared in the water. for a sec i was worried b/c she was under kind of a long time. then she came to the surface with her skirt over her head and started to drag the cement back to shore. boy does that girl have fat knees. at least i think it was her knee.

anywho, comp and i seized the opportunity and raced to the top of the bridge. comp took the stickers out of his backpack and tossed them toward the people along the banks. only the wind caught them and they all fell in the water, which was great because it turned monay's pond into a giant floating romney ad. then i called out:

Attention french citizens! we come as elder romney's ambassadors, and are happy to report that soon the leader of the free world will be a man who has done as much for France as comp and i have!

then things went all quiet, and everyone was starring at us. It was way spiritchul. :-))))

please keep those care packages coming, abbottsville 4th. comp and i need lots to sustain our testimonies. also send more stickers. we'll need 10 times as many when we visit Versatille!!!! hahaha lolololololololololololol :-)))))))))

love, elder young

If you would like to stop receiving these emails, you can just forget it MISS BOSSY PANTS!

Why A Mormon Should Be President

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward
From: Bishop Paul Zimmerman
Subject: The case for a Mormon presidency

Recently, when Mitt Romney suggested that he relied on his wife to keep him informed on women's issues, he drew criticism from a radical feminist commentator who claimed that Sister Romney had "never worked a day in her life." This attack gave the Romney campaign a prime opportunity to condemn the evil cabal of feminists, gays, and so-called intellectuals who are waging the real war on women.

But it also provided us with another opportunity. That is, it's given us a chance to show America why a Mormon president -- and only a Mormon president -- is uniquely equipped to fix our failing economy.

Unlike worldly non-member statesmen, an LDS president would never blow taxpayer money on some high priced, snobby academic to advise him on women's issues. After all, he has his wife, who's never earned a dime in her life. Likewise, when it comes to advice on other issues, he has the folks in his ward, who don't expect a plug nickel.

Think about it. What if the next president came from the Abbottsville Fourth? Imagine all the free talent he could draw on. For example, Brother Bromley, who's installed the sprinkler systems for every homeowner in the ward; Brother Dale, who makes those cool birdhouses; Brother Turley who lays concrete; and Sister Spencer, who just certified to teach ESL classes. Put their minds to work, and a thrifty LDS commander and chief could eliminate the entire Department of Housing and Urban Development, and at least half of the Department of Education.

As for manning the State Department, no problemo! Nobody has a bigger world view than we do. Brother Harold served a mission in South Korea, I went to Bogota, the Newsome's just got back from one of those Disney cruises, and Elder Young is in the mission field as we speak, busily converting France.

But we'd want to be careful here, about the whole -- you know -- diversity thing. We wouldn't want to appear insensitive. Luckily, nothing is more diverse than a Mormon ward. Here in the Abbottsville Fourth there's Hermano Velasquez, whose home grown chili peppers would make him a shoe-in for Agriculture. Also Brother Pukahi, whose skill with the ukelele ought to land him the VP spot. Then there's Brother Gibson, who isn't married ... or dating. We'd fit him in as well. (So long as he's celibate.)

If we needed to, we could draw more representation from the stake, region, and across the country, without any bias toward race, gender, or sexual orientation.  -- So long as they're all Mormons, of course.

If this does come to pass, our government will be like one giant lay priesthood. It won't cost a dime, and will be worth every penny. Best of all, every American citizen will be living the rich and fulfilling life of a Latter-day Saint -- whether they are one or not.

-- Although we might not want to put it that way. --

If you would like to stop receiving these e-mails, you may be missing out on a key cabinet position.

Holiday Musings From The Mission Field

To: abbottsville fourth ward
From: elder young, france paris mission
Subject: bon jour from the mission field!!!!

hey abbottsville fourth!!!!

first off, thanks all of you for your letters and care packages!! especially sister renfro for the super yummy yule log, and mom for my favorite snowball cookies with the extra chocolate chunks and marshmellow peeps. my comp says i have the best ward ever!!! 

i was bummed at the beginning of the week when we learnt that our most golden investigator, pierre, can't be baptized b/c his mommy refused to sign the paper. so now he has to wait 10 long years until he's a legal adult. :(((( also, it's christmas and instead of being home with mom and dad and gramma and uncle burt and aunt tooty, i'm here with comp in dumb old paris. then comp reminded me that we were in gay par-ee, and we should be gay!!! but i didn't feel gay. not even a little. :-/

but as a representative of the one and only true church, i had the spiritual maturity to ignore my personal needs and go about the work of the lord. so comp and i put on our happy faces and road our bikes over to the rue st. hornery to pass out pamphlets.

the street was packed with super uppity french people shopping for gifts at hoity toity stores like hermie's and verscratchy. of course they were all to prideful to take a pamphlet, but comp and i didn't let that stop us. we started sticking them anywhere we could, like in people's bags, or under their armpits. comp even managed to attach one to this old lady's hat!!! lol hahahahahaha :-))))) sometimes people got all mad and threw them on the ground, but that was ok cause then the wind just blew them all over france!!!  :-)))))


but here it was almost christmas and all anyone wanted to do was prance around in their gold and silver and fancy clothes and waist there filthy liquor on expensive things instead of listening to our humble message. it kind of reminded me of that Book of Mormon story where all the righteous people were holding onto the rod while the evil hateful ones were living it up in the great and spacious building. then i remembered how in primary class i told teacher that i wanted to climb up the tree of knowledge and swing like tarzan into the building and call everyone to repentance. teacher told me i was cute, but now i realized i was not only cute but also inspired. :-))))))


so comp and i charged into hermie's, pulled the mannequins off this display thingie, climbed up in their place, and i said:

"my fellow parisians, stop spending your filthy liquor on gold and silver and other hoity toity thingies. comp and i have a far more precious gift for you to give, the Book of Mormon!"

then this important looking man came up and demanded we get down from the display thingie. we said we wouldn't and he said we had to and we told him not until we red from the Book of Mormon. he started screaming for us to get down right away. we told him we didn't have to get down b/c we were god's servants and pretty soon we'd be gods ourselves -- while all he'd ever amount to is a lonely eunich way down in a lower kingdome. :-p

then he lunged at our legs. i jumped away and off the display thingie, but he got a hold of comp and said he was taking him to security. i ordered him to release comp. he refused. i raised my right arm to the square and ordered in the name of Jesus Christ. he still refused. so i grabbed a perfume bottle off this counter and sprayed him in the face. he let go of comp and yelled for security. the gendarmes came running through the store and we started running and pretty soon we were in a super cool chase scene like in the davinci code only instead of wonky professors we were valiant servants of the Lord which made us way cooler than tom hanks!!!! :-)))))

this went on for i don't know how long. maybe an hour. then we finally lost them when we ducked behind this curtain. we thought we were safe until we looked up and saw this lady staring at us in nothing but a bra and panties. sacre bleu!!!   = O   she just rolled her eyes and glared at us -- kind of like that horse faced sister missionary does whenever she sees us coming. we placed a Book of Mormon with her then escaped through an emergency exit.

minutes later comp and i found a quiet place in the jardeen de tweeteries, knelt in prayer, and thanked Heavenly Father for our many blessings. not only had we shared the gospel, placed a Book of Mormon and escaped the gendarmes, i still had that perfume bottle!!!! :-)))))) merry christmas mom! hahahaha

all in a day's work for comp and i. please keep sending care packages, it takes a lot to sustain our testimonies. hahaha :-)))) lol lol lol 


love to all of you :-))))


If you would like to stop receiving these emails, we'll send over one of Sister Renfro's super yummy yule logs.

Musings From The Mission Field

To: abbottsville fourth ward
From: elder young, france paris mission
Subject: bon jour from the mission field!!!!

hey abbottsville fourth!!!!

first off, thanks all of you for your letters and care packages, especially the ones with the rice krispy treats and chocolate covered corn nuts!! my comp says i have the best ward ever!!!        :-))))

we were bummed this morning when we learnt that Mademoiselle Fusee had another run in with the vice squad and can't be baptized until september. but then my comp reminded me again that we were in gay par-ee, and we should be gay!!! hahaha (btw, i totally knew that by gay he meant happy, and he knew i knew that btw.) hahaha :-)))) lol lol lol


so we put on our happy faces and walked over to the rodin sculpture garden. It was scary at first because all we saw were super worldly people ogling at these enormous naked statues. =-o 


we bowed our heads and asked Heavenly Father what to do. then at his suggestion we hid behind the famous thinker statue and when somebody walked up, we jumped out and said: 

"thinking about finding the one and only true church?!!!"

get it? thinking???? it worked too, that is until this prideful lady tour guide told us to leave. we said we didn't have to and she said we did and we said we didn't so she left then came back dragging a garden hose with one of those high powered nozzles and blasted us. as messangers of the one and only true church, comp and i are used to being persacuted, so instead of running away we did an adorable little water ballet while singing "jesus wants me for a sunbeam." :-))))) hahahaha

only then the gendarmes arrived and told us to leave. we told them we didn't have to b/c Heavenly Father said. then they told us we were under arrest and we said they couldn't arrest us b/c we worked for God and they only worked for france. then they pointed their guns at our faces and we ran. 


they ran too, and all of the sudden we were in this super cool chase scene like the one in that classic old movie Bullet. only we were on foot. also we were wearing name tags and carrying book of mormons, which made us way cooler than steve mcqueen. we ran down the rue varelle, over rue da bach, across the punt royale, and the into the jardine de tweeteries where we escaped by diving into one of those geometric shaped shrubbery thingies. :-))))))))

we were kind of bummed after that b/c we really thought we were on to something with that whole thinker thing. then it came to us, in paris the thinkers hang out in the cafes where they gather in little salons and talk about episiotomies and notetics, and other way cerebral stuff. So we decided to form our own salon, only instead of discussing the works of balzac or hemingway or flowbare, we would discuss the deepest most intellectual work of all time: the book of mormon!!! :-)))))))


we went to the nearest cafe, found us a table that hadn't been cleared yet, pulled some nutella out of comp's backpack (it's this stuff that's just like peanut butter only chocolate) and began spreading it on some bread that was left over one of the plates. then i stood on a chair, held up the book of mormon and shouted:

"my fellow parisians, comp and i invite you to join in a discussion of the most profoundly psychiatric work of all time. also help yourself to a super-yummy nutella thingy."

people started booing and telling us to leave, but we said we wouldn't leave until they heard our message, and they said they didn't want to hear our message, and we told them they were being prideful, and they shouted a bunch of words we never learnt at the mtc. then a man stood up and motioned to the crowd to be silent. he wore a red and white horizontally striped shirt and had a white scarf tied around his neck. also he had salt and pepper hair, soulful brown eyes and just the right amount of stubble on his face. can you picture him? if you can, than you must know what immediately popped into my mind. 

you got it! future elders' quorum president!!!!:-)))))

he said: "i am not, too prideful, as you say."

we said: "what is your name, sir?"

he said: "you may call me d'artagnan."

we said: "monsieur d'artagnan, please sit down and hear our message."

he said: "let's go to my flat instead."

we said: "sure!" and followed him down the street. then we said: "sir if there was a living prophet on the earth today you'd like to know about him, wouldn't you?"

he said: "is it this prophet who told you to dress and wear your hair that way?"

we said: "as a matter of fact, yes!"

he said: "is it because of him that you go into nice restaurants and offer people nutella thingies?"

we said: "right again," and followed him down the stairs to the metro station.

he said: "then by all means, tell me where this man lives. i know many people who would like to pay him a visit."

we could barely contain our enthusiasm when we hopped onto the train. then the doors closed and we saw d'artagnan standing  on the platform making a gesture that in america is considered profane, but here in france only means good-bye. -- it's one of the first things they taught us at the mtc. :-)))))) hahahaha


so as you can see, comp and i are working as hard as we can to save france from satan's evil grip. please keep sending care packages, it takes a lot to sustain our testimonies. also we've run out of nutella. hahaha :-)))) lol lol lol 


love to all of you :-))))


elder young


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Musings From The Mission Field

To: abbottsville fourth ward
From: elder young, france paris mission
Subject: bon jour from the mission field!!!!

hey abbottsville fourth!!!!

first off, thanks all of you for your letters and care packages, especially the ones with the rice krispy treats and chocolate covered gummy bears!! my comp says i have the best ward ever!!! 

we were bummed this morning when we learnt that Monsieur Blanc's physician isn't ready to discharge him from the asylum, so he can't be baptized until febuary. 

but then my comp reminded me again that we were in gay par-ee, and we should be gay!!! hahaha (btw, i totally knew that by gay he meant happy, and he knew i knew that btw.) hahaha :-))))


so comp and i went to the park and looked for people to share our message with. most were in a hurry and too prideful to stop, but every once in a while we came across some folks who were eating a meal, or reading, or hugging and kissing, and we'd sit down and quote scripture to them. :-))) still we weren't achieving the kind of statistical success Heavenly Father and our mission president expect.

so we hopped on our bikes and road over to the Loover, where we saw a ginormous amount of people going inside. comp and i thought, ohmiheck, if we only had the admission price, we could probably convert hundreds! :-)))) so we said a little prayer, then waited for an answer and when nothing happened we sighed and road away, then all at once hit the brakes when we saw the exact amount of euros we needed to get into the Loover just lying out on this little bistro table. hahaha :-))))

ohmiheck it was a sign!

so we took the money, paid the admission and wandered around until we saw 2 hot american girls looking at a painting of a completely naked man!!  =-0  comp and i ran over and blocked their view. they got mad and told us to go away, and we told them we had an important message for them, and they said they didn't want our message, and we told them they were being prideful, and they said they weren't, and we said they were, and they asked why we wouldn't move aside so they could see the works of Michael Angelo, and we said because ours were more impressive than his, and they slapped us.

when our faces stopped stinging the 2 hot american girls had disappeared. so comp and i went around jumping in front of other paintings until people agreed to hear our message. :-))) this worked pretty well until we got to the Mona Lisa and the guards pulled us aside and called the police. (btw, Mona isn't really that much of a hottie, she looks kinda like this horse-faced sister missionary who wears that same stuck-up expression on her face whenever she sees me and comp coming. hahaha :-))))

after that, it was kind of a blur. first comp and i tried to share our message with the guards, but they were way grumpy, so we sang the popcorn popping on the apricot tree song until they covered their ears and closed their eyes just long enough for us to slip past, only the gendarmes appeared, aimed their guns, and ordered us to freeze. 


first comp and i asked if we could share a message with them, when that didn't work we raised our right arms to the square and ordered them to leave by the power of our holy priesthood, when that didn't work, we ran. 


the gendarmes came after us, and we sped up, and they sped up, and pretty soon we were in a super-cool chase scene like the one in the Fugitive, only instead of being innocent doctors, we were righteous and exemplary representatives of the lds church, which made us way cooler than Harrison Ford. our race through the Loover went on for idk how long -- maybe an hour. then finally the gendarmes' way was blocked when comp and i accidentally knocked over this urn thingy. (it's ok, i'm pretty sure we only dented it. :-)))


comp and i walked back to our apartment this afternoon feeling like the spiritual giants that Heavenly Father intended His servants to be. we humbly prayed that tomorrow He might leave us more money at the bistro so that we can tract out the museydeorsay! hahahaha :-)))  


please keep sending care packages, it takes a lot to sustain our testimonies. also a couple of those paris museum passes would be cool. hahaha :-))))


love to all of you :-))))


elder young

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And don't forget to vote in the Brodie Awards. Polls close Saturday, January 22, 21:00 GMT

Musings From The Mission Field

To: abbottsville fourth ward
From: elder young, france paris mission
Subject: bon jour from the mission field!!!!

hey abbottsville fourth!!!!

first off, thanks all of you for your letters and care packages!! especially Sister Renfro for the super yummy fudge bombs, and mom for my favorite monster cookies with the extra chocolate chunks and gummy bears. my comp says i have the best ward ever!!!

we were bummed at the beginning of the week when we learnt that Madame Muzet's felony court sentencing date has been moved back so she can't be baptized until december. but then my comp reminded me that we were in gay par-ee, and we should be gay!!! lol (btw, by gay he meant happy, and I totally knew that by gay he meant happy, btw.)

so we put on our happy faces and rode our bikes over to Noter Dame to pass out pamphlets. at first nobody would take them, then comp and i started sticking them anywhere we could, like in people's bags, or under their armpits. comp even managed to slip one down the back of this guy's pants!!! lol sometimes people got all mad and threw them on the ground, but comp and i figured that was ok cause then the wind would just blow them all over france!!!     :-)))))

then this super cool guy rides up on his bike and introduces himself as Henri in ENGLISH!!! :-))))) he said he needed practice speaking and reading english. So right off we offered him the greatest work in the english language, The Book of Mormon!!!!! :-))))) He said he didn't want to read it, and I said yes he did, and he said no he didn't. i said have you ever red it? and he said no, and i said that he was being prideful and judging something he hadn't even red, and he said he didn't care, but he ended up taking it when comp tried to stuff it under his armpit. lol

we asked him if we could schedule an appointment to teach him, and he said he didn't want to be taught anything and got on his bike and road off. we knew he was just being prideful, so we got on our bikes and followed him. he speeded up, then we speeded up and pretty soon comp and i were in this super cool chase scene like in the Born Identity, only instead being CIA assassins, we were valiant warriors for the Lord, which made us way cooler than Matt Damon. i was amazed at how good the french drivers and pedestrians were at swerving to avoid our bicycles! just like in the movies!! :-))))) thanks to them we were able to stay on Henri's tail for idk how long, maybe an hour. then the chase came to an end when the handle of my scripture case hooked onto a rack at one of those outdoor book stalls and sent a gazillion antique postcards flying into the Sane River.

comp and i were kind of bummed after that, but we kept up our spirits and passed out more pamphlets to people who were either prideful or ignerant or downright satanic. this one old lady even pushed me down with her walker. i took it in stride. as a messanger of the Lord i realized that i have been blessed with more spiritual maturity and therefore must practice tolerence.

when we ran out of pamphlets we wandered over to a cafe to check the menu and who do you think we saw sitting at a table with a glass of wine? Henri!!!! :-)))))

we parked our bikes, grabbed a couple of chairs and joined him at his table. Henri covered his face with his hands and begged us to leave. i launched into the lesson while comp emptied the wine glass into a plant. then i remembered that the manual said that before each lesson we were supposed to get the investigator to pray, so i stopped and asked Henri to say a word of prayer, and he said no way, and i told him the manual said he had to, and he said he wouldn't, and i said he was being prideful. meanwhile the other people in the restaurant started to complain and this guy in an apron ran out and told us to leave. we told him we wouldn't leave until Henri prayed. the guy in the apron muttered some french words comp and i never learnt at the MTC and disappeared. then Henri bowed his head and said a short prayer that wasn't very revrent, but was a good enough start, and we stood to leave.

then 2 guys in aprons came out, each carrying a strawberry tart. only, instead of serving them to a table, they smooshed them into me and comp's faces. comp and i scraped the tarts off of our faces and into our bicycle helmets which we then used as bowls to eat out of. it's a technique we've developed by experience. french food is amazingly good, and it's surprising how often we get it for free like this!!! lol

on the way home we were kind of bummed when we saw that some of the strawberry cream filling had gotten all over our jackets and we didn't have any money to have them cleaned. then we realized the stains were really badges of honor -- like all battle scars heroes bring back from war -- and we wore them with pride!!!! :-)))))

please keep sending the letters and especially the care packages. my comp's from idaho, and all he ever gets are rice krispie treats and his mom's homemade fruit leather -- barely enough to sustain our testimonies.

love to all of you!!!!! :-)))))

elder young
france, paris misssion







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