Friday, April 19, 2013

Musings From The Mission Field -- My Work Here Is Done!

To: abbottsville fourth ward
From: elder young, france, paris mission
Subject: the final stretch

dear abbottsville fourth,

thank you so much for all of your care packages, especially sister renfro's super-yummy marshmallow peep scones. comp and i gobbled them all up yesterday. after that we were bummed b/c we realized that our missions were almost over and we wouldn't be getting any more care packages. :-(((((

but that's ok b/c comp and i are too spirichally mature to worry about feeding our tummies. what's really important is feeding our spirits, and the best thing for that is missionary work!!! :-)))))

so comp and i grabbed what was left of our Joseph Smith pamphlets and road our bikes over to the Eyeful Tower. the square around the tower was packed with potential converts, but none of them wanted to hear our message. :-///

finally we climbed to the top of the tower and pitched all of the pamphlets into the wind, but as we watched the Lord's word drift all over paris, we felt bummed all over again. we hadn't even placed a Book of Mormon. :-((((((((

comp and i used to be the mission stars!!!! but now the 18 year old missionaries were stealing our thunder with their bold ideas and unique door approaches. -- at 21, comp and i were a couple of old fogies, so pathetic that it had been at least a week since that horse-faced sister missionary had tried to cream us with her handbag. :-((((((

comp and i climbed down from the tower and wandered the streets of paris, wondering what went wrong. we thought back to all of our awesome investigators. in every case, we'd gotten them right to the font's edge, then for some reason they hadn't been baptized. WTF(lip)???

first madame muzet had to cancel b/c her felony court sentencing date was moved back, then the doctor refused to release monsieur blanc from the asylum, and mademoiselle fusee had another run in with the vice squad. finally, our most golden investigator, Pierre, couldn't get baptized b/c his mommy refused to sign the paper.

oh my heck, what were we doing wrong???!!!!! then all of the sudden comp and i were struck with this amazing epifanny. why weren't we having better success with baptisms?

it was b/c of SATAN.

that was it, alright. in every case, we had been outfoxed by the prince of darkness. well, you better believe comp and i weren't going to let the evil one get ahead of us again!!!! :-))))

we did a little fist-pumping happy dance and then went to a quiet place beneath the Pont Noof and i said this prayer to Heavenly Father: "HF if you give comp and me one more golden investigator we promise we won't let your evil twin, SATAN, tempt him or her away to the dark side."

then we opened our eyes and this young woman appeared along the river's edge. she was wearing a lacy silk top, a leather skirt, and super-high heels that made her legs look way hot. comp and i were just like gawking at her when a gold halo appeared over her head. that's how we knew that she was the golden investigator that HF had sent just to us. only this time we had to act fast before SATAN got to her.

i raised my right arm to the square and declared, "super hot french lady, having been commissioned of Jesus Christ, i baptize you in the name of the father and the son and the holy ghost amen."

then comp and i pushed her into the river sane.

take that Satan!!!
hahahaha lololololol :-))))))))))))))))))

we did another happy dance, gave each other high fives, and in unison shouted: our work here is done! :-))))))))))))) hahahahaha

i can't wait to come home now b/c I can truly say that i served with honor and am going to give the best sacrament meeting talk ever!!!! but don't think i'll be getting lazy on you A-4. as soon as i'm released i'm going to get started on my next mission: finding a WIFE!!!!! :-)))))))))

and no way will i let SATAN come between me and my eternal mate!!!!

see you at the next potluck, A-4!!!! pssst -- i hope there's plenty of tater-tot casserole, it takes alot to sustain my testimony. hahahaha lolololol :-))))))))))))

love, elder young

If you would like to stop receiving these emails we may need to act fast before SATAN gets to you.


  1. Marshmallow peep scones? Tater tot casserole? I feel nauseous. Do you mean to tell me that these two twits spent ages in France without sampling world-class French cuisine?

    "then comp and i pushed her into the river sane."

    Oh dear. I hope Super Hot French Lady knew how to swim. And deliver powerful uppercut punches.

  2. Actually, Ahab, elder young and comp have sampled quite a bit of French cuisine, having had so many potential converts pelt them with it.

    As for the SHFL, I'm afraid that leather skirt of hers is ruined. :-((((((

  3. Satan is one powerful guy - after all, who could resist the likes of elder young?

  4. Yes, and SATAN is no match for elder young. lol

  5. I hear most young men way "me and comp" (rather than comp and i).

  6. Well, elder young is way smart...