Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Sister's First General Conference Prayer Leaked!

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward
From: Susan Renfro, Relief Society President
Subject: Official transcript of sister's conference prayer

Hours ago, the Church Correlation Committee released an official transcript of the prayer that "Mormon feminist," Barbie Wooley, will be delivering in this weekend's General Conference. Read below and be inspired:

Our dear, kind Heavenly Father, 

My fellow sisters and I are so grateful to be Thy beloved spirit daughters. We thank Thee for giving our lives meaning, purpose, and direction. 

We pray, dear Heavenly Father, that with Thy divine guidance, we may continue to find nobility in motherhood, joy in womanhood, and delight in our divine destiny.
We also ask, dear Heavenly Father, that Thou will help us, your beloved daughters, to be ever-mindful that we are each entitled to a satisfying and fulfilling experience in any church position. So long as the priesthood is always on top.


If you would like to stop receiving these e-mails, we'll assume you don't understand what your assigned position is.


  1. Haha! Nice! Can't wait to hear what earth shattering announcement will be made this time. 19 year old women going on missions, what next?!

  2. No kidding. Maybe there'll be another policy on pantyhose...

  3. Thank you for the bread crumb. Amen

  4. Just Jill, that about sums it up.

  5. This one hits just a little too close to home for me. But probably quite true.

  6. pmgirl, I know, me too. Cracks me up when people ask if my blog is satire or not. Fact is the LDS Church comes up with way funnier material than I ever could...

  7. This is true! Who needs satire when you have the Ensign?

  8. "...we may continue to find nobility in motherhood, joy in womanhood, and delight in our divine destiny."

    While Mormon men continue to find nobility in work outside the home and actual power in the church.

    Ugh. Women in the LDS do NOT have a fun time.

  9. Ahab, I pretty much pirated that prayer out of the LDS Relief Society mission statement. You're right, I didn't have a lot of fun as a Mormon.

  10. What makes me saddest is that sister whatever her name was's prayer even needed to be uttered. It should be automatically in the hearts of all sisters everywhere during every waking minute. Only when we learn to accept our rightful place in the hieracrchy can we experience divine happiness. Wake up and get a clue, recalcitrant sisters!

  11. I managed to listen to Sister Dalton's talk without hurling in the john afterwards, that's about as close to divine happiness as I can get during GC.

    AlexisAR, you are right! I see great things in your future!

  12. You're just amazing. You write things that make people take notice. Thank you for writing blog posts that always make me think.