Thursday, March 28, 2013

New Policy For LDS Missionaries: Don't Ask, Don't Tell

To: Abbottsville Stake
From: Mitchell Knightly, President of the Abbottsville Stake
Subject: New policy for full time missionary applicants

Recently a 20-year-old young man was denied the opportunity to serve a full time mission when he told his stake president that he did not support the LDS Church's stand against same-sex marriage. While the local authorities acted in good conscious at the time, the incident sent shock waves through the missionary community. In the hours since the story broke, over 1000 potential missionaries have withdrawn their applications based on similar objections to church positions.

Additionally, a growing number of missionaries in the field are requesting early release, complaining that they can no longer present the official views of the LDS Church with a straight face.

Because of these unfortunate developments, the Brethren have decided to add a "don't ask, don't tell" policy to the missionary application process.

From now on, all full time mission applicants may be assured that their opinions of the LDS Church and its leaders will have no bearing upon their acceptance into the program, so long as they keep their said opinions to themselves. In other words:


Don't tell your stake president that you disagree with the way the LDS Church treats gays, feminists, and intellectuals--and he won't ask.

As for the problems that the missionaries in the field are facing, the Brethren are still weighing potential solutions. 

One option under consideration is to change the temple recommend question from: Do you sustain and support the General Authorities? to Do you listen to the General Authorities? Then, if the candidate answers yes, follow-up with, Do you intend to repeat what they say?

Until a consensus can be reached, full time missionaries are urged to spend their preparation time studying books and other media that present the LDS Church in a positive light, such as The Mormon Way of Doing Business, or a David Archuleta concert. Likewise, they should avoid all anti-Momon sources including, The Book of Mormon, The Doctrine and Covenants, The Pearl of Great Price, the Ensign, General Conference, any of Romney's speeches, and KBYU television.

If you would like to stop receiving these e-mails, we won't tell.

9 comments:

  1. I was hoping you would cover this - and that is the perfect way of doing it.

    We don't mind what you actually believe, as long as you are willing to repeat after us.

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  2. Yeah, that seems to be the deal now--just ignore what we say and smile. Next step will be to change the policy and say it's been this way all along.

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  3. | ...the incident sent shock waves through the missionary community. In the hours since the story broke, over 1000 potential missionaries have withdrawn their applications based on similar objections to church positions.

    Additionally, a growing number of missionaries in the field are requesting early release, complaining that they can no longer present the official views of the LDS Church with a straight face. |

    Wouldn't it be great if this really happened. Stand up oh youth of Zion and be heard!

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  4. I know, Just Jill, it's one of those "don't you wish life was like this" scenarios.

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  5. I've been worried about the Church and how it would handle the lack of age difference between elders nd sisters, and the inappropriate relationships to which it might lead.I have the solution.

    Forget "Don't Ssk, Don;t Tell." Have the prospective mishies identify thier sexuality in the forest-demolishing paperwork they submit. Then pair lesbian sisters with gay elders for companionships. In a worst-case scenario, absolutely nothing happens. They go about their missionary wrok as would any other compansionship. Best-case scenario: temptation overcomes them and they, in a weird form of reconversion therapy, get horny with each other and find thier way back to heterosexuality. Yes, sex on a mission between unmarried couples is a sin, but at least it's heterosexual sex, and it's for a good cause.

    Now, seriously, isn't this the most brilliant thing you've heard since whatever was the last thing that came out of Jeffrey Holland's mouth?

    P.S. I have decided that I will no longer use initials (first or middle) for general authorities. It's an official boycott.

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  6. Have them convert the world and lose the gay at the same time. Brilliant, AlexisAR!

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  7. So he stood up for the right thing and got out of having to serve a Mormon mission? Excellent karma!

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  8. Yes. I'm hoping for more good karma for him in the future.

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  9. Very well said. This new rules should be follow and apply right away for better results.

    God Bless!

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