Thursday, June 27, 2013

The Big Fat Gay Mormon Wedding

Yesterday after the Supreme Court announced its landmark decisions on DOMA and Prop 8, LDS Church spokesman, Michael Otterson issued an official statement that again demonstrated the church's disregard for its own history as well as its penchant for the usual self-righteousness:
"Regardless of the court decision, the Church remains irrevocably committed to strengthening traditional marriage between a man and a woman, which for thousands of years has proven to be the best environment for nurturing children. Notably, the court decision does not change the definition of marriage in nearly three-fourths of the states."
Then this morning, in an article that argued that the Mormon Church has had a change of heart over the issue of gay marriage, the San Francisco Chronicle quoted openly gay local LDS Church "leader," Mitch Mayne:
"It's safe to say that the Mormon Church won't be involved (in legislation against gay marriage) as far as in any public policy way."
The article also stated that Mayne would be marching in Sunday's Pride Parade with fellow LDS supporters behind a banner reading "Mormons for Marriage Equality."

For the record, contrary to the SF Chron's description, Mitch Mayne is not an LDS Church leader. He's an (I'm assuming ward) executive secretary, meaning he's the guy who takes care of the local bishop--makes his phone calls, keeps his calendar, fetches his Postum, etc. That's pretty much Otterson's job too, only he reports to the prophet.

Which man truly speaks for the LDS Church? Well, Mayne, of course. The fact that he even exists is proof of that. Since when can an openly gay Mormon priesthood holder skip Sacrament Meeting to march in a Pride Parade, talk to the press about his opposition to official church policy, and still remain a member in good standing? Since the LDS leaders started scrambling around to save their image, that's when.

Ten years ago there was some discussion in the LDS community about making a Mormon version of the hit movie, My Big Fat Greek Wedding. It was an interesting idea that never took off because the Mormons simply do not have enough confidence as a culture to laugh at their foibles--or to even admit they have any foibles. Despite what they say about feminists, gays, and intellectuals, what the LDS leaders fear most is being proven wrong.

So, as Elder Price sang in The Book of Mormon, what does the future hold? In the wake of the court's decision, the church seems on the brink of yet another policy shift. Since generally only Mormons listen to official church statements, it was appropriate that Otterson defended the current LDS position on gay marriage--if only for the sake of the 25,000 church members in California whom the GA's pressured into dedicating their time, talent, and $20,000,000 worth of their resources to the passage of Prop 8.

Now, if things go as they have in the past, the next step will be a new official policy that church leaders will market as their long-standing opinion. On the surface it seems like an easy fix. After all, the Mormon definition of "traditional marriage" has, shall we say, evolved over the years . . .

Only in a church that emphasizes rigid gender rolls, the notion of gay marriage could create some sticky situations. For example, in a dual priesthood household, who gets to wear the pants? What about a lesbian couple--are they doomed to exist without the priesthood in their home? The LDS Church was founded by a guy intent on screwing as many women as possible and that legacy has flourished to this day--so I don't see priesthood for women in the cards . . .

But I know 2 things the future will hold: I'm going to have plenty of great material for my blog and, even better, some fabulous weddings--big, fat, gay, and otherwise--to celebrate.

--Thanks to my good friend Insana Dee who shared this video with me.


  1. Someday bigots who rail against LGBT folks and want to deny them the same civil rights the rest of us so easily have will become as irrelevant and rightfully embarrassed as the Paula Deen racists of the past. The LDS church may well feign to evolve but their myopic insular little band will also become less relevant and increasingly odd and outdated as the rest of the world passes them by.

    In the meantime, they are like the housefly that buzzes and lands, dodges and lands, regurgitates and buzzes and lands and dodges and vomits and defecates all over everything and lays a load of little maggots and then one day they'll just expire. Let's hope the squirmy maggots learn to stay in the barnyard where they belong.

    1. Oh right, Dee, these "evolutions" are never sincere. The old straight white men have been, are, and always will be in charge. Also great fly metaphor--very literary! :)

    2. "Someday bigots who rail against LGBT folks and want to deny them the same civil rights the rest of us so easily have will become as irrelevant and rightfully embarrassed as the Paula Deen racists of the past."

      That day can't come soon enough for me.

  2. I don't know much about the LDS, but I always understood that at one time polygamy was all cool. So the LDS changing on gay marriage is like you say no surprise.

    1. Yes, Christian, they've flipped on many issues.

  3. I wonder if Will Swenson would consider a role in MY BIG FAT GAY MORMON WEDDING? I love Audra and think she's one of the most talented individuals on the face of the Earth, but with the right clothing and cosmetic application, she could pass for one hell of a drag queen.

    1. He probably would, although I think The Singles' Ward was the LDS answer to My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Pretty lame.

  4. He only did The Singles Ward because his cousin was producing it and because he had nothing better to do at the time. Since becoming personally acquainted with The Adversary by doing "Hair" with the nude scenes and all, and since mixing his seed with the seed of Cain, his standards have plunged to new depths. Furthermore, his mother is no longer around to beat him over the head with her stack of most recent copies of Ensign. (In fairness to Sally, I've heard she was a pretty cool lady. If she exerted any influence at all, it was probably simply in the sense that he didn't want to hurt her feelings.)

    I wouldn't rule Will out. I think he's seen the light, or the darkness, whichever one would prefer to call it.

  5. This entire blog entry is more true than anything else in LD$, Inc. so-called doctrine. - Chas Rivera