Our "Poor Daughter" or What Happens to People Who Quit the Church

I've been inactive this week, trading out blogging for a visit to our "poor daughter." You've heard the story over and over again. Her demise began when she became offended because she wasn't allowed to pass the sacrament in church. A Merry Miss dropout, she was left to idle, worldly pursuits, which have led, sadly, to yet another formulaic outcome. Now she is unmarried, childless, rarely knits, enjoys reading and writing, doesn't go to Relief Society, and is wasting her time, talent and resources on pursuing her doctorate.

And how do we feel about that? Over-the-top, ridiculously, ecstatically proud!

Emily at Rutgers

Emily in Central Park with her ecstatically proud parents

But then, that's what happens to people who quit the church.

Mormon Persecution Museum Opens

Persecution Museum Now Open on Temple Square
The Salt Lake News - published Wednesday, April 15, 2015

SALT LAKE CITY - The Mormon Persecution Museum opens to the public today. The newest attraction on Temple Square, it boasts an impressive collection of historical artifacts, artwork, film and photography that depicts the maltreatment of members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. In addition to its permanent collection, the museum will also host temporary exhibits. The first of these, The Brethren: Latter-day Martyrs for the Faith, focuses on the marginalization of the current Mormon leadership.

LDS Church curator, Rufus G. Bigelow, passionately promotes the museum's first special event. "Most people don't realize how much abuse is leveled at the humble servants of God who guide and direct our Church," he explained. "Patrons of this exhibit will come away without any doubt of the existence of what the Brethren have long known to be the vast anti-Mormon conspiracy." 

Visitors may experience the vast conspiracy Bigelow refers to via multi-media presentations aimed at exposing the Brethren's myriad nemeses. Targets include Feminists, So-Called Intellectuals, So-Called Gays, So-Called Historians, Whiners, Wimps, Comedians, Immodestly Dressed Women and Children, Counterfeit Couples, Mothers Who Think They Know, Part Tithe Payers, The Three Men who Shouted "Opposed" at General Conference, etc.

"The event runs the gamut when it comes to anti-Mormon elements," Bigelow said. "It delves into the mind of each variety of anti-Mormon, examines his particular brand of bitterness, outlines his delusional objectives, and describes his doomed means of achieving them."

Despite the breadth and diversity of its subject, Bigelow says the exhibit successfully stays on message. "The unifying theme is that all of these different forms of bigotry stem from the enemy's collective desire to sin and/or be easily offended."

The LDS General Authorities enjoyed a private tour of the museum on Monday. Their response is said to be highly enthusiastic.

"The Brethren are thrilled by this long overdue retribution," said LDS Church spokesperson, LaDell Dart. "Finally, the world will have the opportunity to see that they are the true victims."

"Already there is talk of expanding," Dart added. "Plans are in the works for an adjoining library, an interpretive center, and maybe even a research institute. In the coming years, the Persecution Museum is expected to grow into a full blown Persecution Complex."

Regular museum hours are Monday through Saturday 10:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. Hours extend to 9:00 p.m. the first Monday of every month to accommodate special Family Home Evenings. Closed Sunday. The "Latter-day Martyrs" exhibit will be on display in the Orrin Porter Rockwell Gallery from now until August 15, 2015.

LDS Women Compared To New Inanimate Object

Over the years good Mormon girls have been unlicked cupcakes, fresh sticks of gum, clean crystal goblets, and untouched rosebuds. So it should come as no surprise that in her opening address to the LDS General Women's Meeting, Cheryl A. Esplin, second counselor in the Primary General Presidency, likened LDS women to full cans of soda:

"The concept of being filled with light and truth became particularly important to me because of an experience I had many years ago. I attended a meeting where members of the Young Women general board taught about creating spiritually strong families and homes. To visually demonstrate this, a Young Women leader held up two soda cans. In one hand she held a can that was empty and in the other hand a can that was unopened and full of soda. First, she squeezed the empty can; it began to bend and then collapsed under the pressure. Next, with her other hand, she squeezed the unopened can. It held firm. It didn’t bend or collapse like the empty can—because it was filled."

"We likened this demonstration to our individual lives and to our homes and families. When filled with the Spirit and with gospel truth, we have the power to withstand the outside forces of the world that surround and push against us. However, if we are not filled spiritually, we don’t have the inner strength to resist the outside pressures and can collapse when forces push against us."

Okay. This totally works for me. But I'm surprised that a member of the Primary General Presidency would admit that in order to be full of "the Spirit and gospel truth" an LDS woman has to swallow the intellectual equivalent of an entire cup of dissolved sugar that's been shot up with pressurized gas.

But wait. There's more:

"Satan knows that in order for us and our families to withstand the pressures of the world, we must be filled with light and gospel truth. So he does everything in his power to dilute, distort, and destroy the truth of the gospel and to keep us separated from that truth."

So there you go, sisters. Guard your pop-tops. Satan hovers over you, flexi-straw in hand, eager to sap the fizz right out of your Sprites!

Why . . . oh . . . why do they make it so easy? And this was just the women's meeting! There are five more sessions of General Conference this weekend. Torture for the faithful. Comic gold for bloggers like me.