"The concept of being filled with light and truth became particularly important to me because of an experience I had many years ago. I attended a meeting where members of the Young Women general board taught about creating spiritually strong families and homes. To visually demonstrate this, a Young Women leader held up two soda cans. In one hand she held a can that was empty and in the other hand a can that was unopened and full of soda. First, she squeezed the empty can; it began to bend and then collapsed under the pressure. Next, with her other hand, she squeezed the unopened can. It held firm. It didn’t bend or collapse like the empty can—because it was filled."
"We likened this demonstration to our individual lives and to our homes and families. When filled with the Spirit and with gospel truth, we have the power to withstand the outside forces of the world that surround and push against us. However, if we are not filled spiritually, we don’t have the inner strength to resist the outside pressures and can collapse when forces push against us."
Okay. This totally works for me. But I'm surprised that a member of the Primary General Presidency would admit that in order to be full of "the Spirit and gospel truth" an LDS woman has to swallow the intellectual equivalent of an entire cup of dissolved sugar that's been shot up with pressurized gas.
But wait. There's more:
"Satan knows that in order for us and our families to withstand the pressures of the world, we must be filled with light and gospel truth. So he does everything in his power to dilute, distort, and destroy the truth of the gospel and to keep us separated from that truth."So there you go, sisters. Guard your pop-tops. Satan hovers over you, flexi-straw in hand, eager to sap the fizz right out of your Sprites!
Why . . . oh . . . why do they make it so easy? And this was just the women's meeting! There are five more sessions of General Conference this weekend. Torture for the faithful. Comic gold for bloggers like me.
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Hey LDS, the "soda" you want to fill women with is flat and flavorless.
ReplyDeleteAgreed. What is with them and these bizarre analogies?
DeleteLicked cupcakes, chewed gum, and full soda cans. They "keep sweet" and dumb down analogies so us women can understand the doctrine.
ReplyDeleteI certainly hope it *was* sprite and not a cola.
ReplyDeleteI certainly hope it *was* sprite and not a cola.
ReplyDeleteI like the soda analogy. A faithful Mormon woman's inner strength comes from the spiritual equivalent of high fructose corn syrup or cancer causing chemicals. And it's all empty calories. Ounce for ounce, dog shit peppered with undigested kernels of corn has higher nutritional value.
ReplyDeleteBrilliant!
As you suggest, Heather, they don't seem to think much of our intelligence. And Marion, I noticed that the illustration in Esplin's talk showed green and yellow soda cans.
ReplyDeleteAT, I agree. The analogy of what the faithful are "full of" is actually quite funny.
My aunt's favorite standard night horror story was when the speaker compared women to trash receptacles -- only truly clean when they're brand new and unused. afterwards, They may look clean, but they're really never germ-free again.
ReplyDeleteAnd what man wouldn't want a germ-free trash can for a wife? :)
Deleteone of the problems with this analogy is that you can never enjoy what's in the 'unopened can' of soda. It will go unused and become flat and stale; it is basically useless. And if you don't open the can what the hell are you going to use to wash down the antidepressants?
ReplyDeleteIndeed. There are so many amusing ways to interpret this stupid analogy. I must thank the GA's for all the giggles I've had at their expense this week.
DeleteSo glad I am not an LDS woman. I wonder what Lizzie Borden would have done if they called her a can of soda?
ReplyDeleteJono, something tells me you'd be a poor excuse for an LDS man too! ;)
DeleteHave you noticed that in pretty much every conference talk, the speaker follows the formula of presenting a story or object lesson followed by comparing it to the church or the gospel? They're usually "grasping at straws," or "flexi-straws," in this case. Thanks for brilliantly pointing out the absurdity of this. My daughter is way too precious to be compared to chewed gum, licked cupcakes, and soda cans.
ReplyDeleteNearKolobite, thanks for reading and contributing such an insightful comment. It's true that the Brethren enjoy these object lessons that tend to be overly simplistic and sometimes patronizing.
DeleteI agree that our daughters are far to precious for such silly comparisons!
Seriously don't you have anything better to do with your life then this? Just because it's not your thing, doesn't make it stupid or wrong.
ReplyDelete"Anonymous," thanks for taking time out of your life to read and then comment on this post I wrote almost one year ago. - Reminds me that it was worth my time and effort.
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