When Mark and I walked into one of our favorite restaurants recently, we found the bar packed with middle-aged men and women participating in a Bay Area singles' speed dating event. We went on to be seated in the dining room with our friends, Jerry and Cheryl. The bar was out of sight, so we couldn't follow the couples' interactions. But we were reminded of their progress by the ringing of a bell at ten minute intervals. Also, on my trip to the ladies' room I witnessed the disturbing spectacle of women at or around my age vying for primping space in front of the mirror.
As he always does when confronted with such a situation, Mark swore that if something happened to me he would never reduce himself to participating in (what he considers to be) such a humiliating activity. While I'd like to agree with him - at least on the primping in the mirror part - I'm not really sure. He and I have been happily married for decades now, and honestly can't say what we'd be "reduced to" if we suddenly found ourselves single. Dating is awkward by definition. And people have been known to do far more embarrassing things for the sake of finding love, or even just for the sake of getting laid.
Take the Mormons, for example.
A middle-aged LDS acquaintance of mine recently attended a single adult activity where the icebreaker was "Pantyhose Tug-of-War." This 2-participant game, evidently introduced on a Japanese game show, proceeds as follows: snip the toes off a pair of women's pantyhose, have each player pull the leg end down over his/her head and face, and then tug in opposite directions until the winner either crosses a line, strips the hose from his/her opponent's face, sustains a concussion, or all three.
My mind goes back to those women at the bathroom mirror, as well as to my initial point. It could have been far more more embarrassing. At least the nonmember middle-aged gals didn't have to ruin their makeup and carefully combed coifs by pulling a hose leg over their faces. (Ahem, I don't think they did, that is. As I said, we couldn't actually see from the dining room.)
Not that I'm all that surprised. Mormons have been patronizing their single adults for generations, subjecting them to infantile activities like mall scavenger hunts, blanket fort building in the cultural hall, and endless rounds of the Bunny Hop. - When researching LDS sites earlier I ran across a sort of "goo game" where participants smear themselves with Vaseline and then compete over how many cotton balls they can adhere to their faces.
That being said, this pantyhose competition seems like a new low, even for an LDS Singles activity.
And the sad thing was, after all that, nobody even got laid.
Friday, July 10, 2015
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Beautifully written, Donna. And quite, quite sad.
ReplyDeleteDonna, the panythose tug-of-war is a very, very wierd thing for adults to be doing. That said, I once went to a married adult LDS thing with my ex-wife where we had to be blindfolded and fondle all the womens' legs to see if we could pick out our own wife. I've never seen games stranger than the ones at Mormon gatherings.
ReplyDeleteThanks Marion. It is sad indeed.
ReplyDeleteBill, I agree on the games. Mormons can't do the socializing at the bar scenario, of course. But also their rules are so rigidly G-rated that they're left with juvenile options for entertainment. A strange scenario for grown men and women.
A Mormon single adult recently told me she went out with a potential partner who, as it turned out, had Alzheimer's. Had a hell of a time finding his car after dinner. Other than that he was a really nice guy, although she wasn't sure if she could get used to the hearing aids. But of course some day he'll be resurrected with perfect ears and a fully intact mind. So it's not as bad as it sounds.
ReplyDeleteYes this is a true story. And it's a pretty accurate representation of how awesome it is to be a Mormon single adult.
Good grief. They never let up on trying to marry people off - at any age!
DeleteWhat kind of desperation drives singles (including Mormon singles) to do this sort of thing? Yeesh.
ReplyDeleteI noticed when I was searching on the web for such things that a lot of these games are popular for singles in other fundie churches.
DeleteG rated movies were the thing to do when I was dating-now they don't seem so bad=( Sad that Mormon adults think this is how to find a potential partner.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean. G-rated flicks, non-caffeinated/alcoholic beverages, etc. are just fine. Only now it's a choice. Back then it was the only option. And yes, it's sad to think that Mormons think these juvenile activities are the only place they can find somebody.
DeleteDances with the cultural hall lights on. Classroom doors locked. High Councilors patrolling the hallways and parking lots looking for chastity breakers. Some of the weirdest people you'll ever meet. I'm talking about the 30+ LDS Singles. The "good catches" show up once and soon come to the realization they'll probably never reach the highest level of the Celestial Kingdom (unless they're a female and become a plural wife in the next life), quickly leave, and never go back.
ReplyDeleteHow could a person not be weird after enduring that? Also, you have to wonder what kind of jerk would take his authority so seriously that he'd waste his Saturday night patrolling the halls looking for 30+ year old chastity breakers. I've heard about anxious women who would find ways to see if their dance partners were wearing garments. (Can't waste a dance on someone who isn't temple worthy!)
DeleteI don't think I could tolerate that much humiliation and not get laid.
ReplyDeleteYes, dating in and of itself can be humiliating, so adding those types of games to it is really putting it over the edge. And while your last comment is what the Mormon Church wants to think, I don't think that's necessarily true. At least, my ExMormon self wants to think so...
ReplyDeleteJono, nor could even a Mormon, I would think. In that spirit, Diane, I sure hope you're right!
ReplyDeleteMy cousin is forced by her mom (she lives in utah county at home while she attends BYU, so still has to listen to her mom even though she's 20) to attend a student ward. At their last activity night, the main event was a "Rock, Paper, Scissors" tournament.
ReplyDeleteDo you know what I heard about BYU-Idaho from a reliable source? That rA's do curfew checks at the apartments of singles living off-campus. That is the single craziest thing i've ever heard about a university. it's about as bad as Liberty U. or BobJjones U. or any other of those fundie places.
I'd heard that about BYU-I, Alexis. Creepy. Whenever I visit BYU I'm struck by how young the students look - deceptive because they aren't a young student body. Most of the men are older thanks to breaking for 2 year missions and many even have receding hairlines. But they've still got that juvenile look about them. Probably because they'd spent their weekend playing "Rock, Paper, Scissors."
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