Tuesday, April 20, 2010

LDS Young Women Think Pink!

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward Young Women
From: Sister Renee Newsome, Ward Young Women's President
Subject: Put on your PINK thinking caps, girls!

Here are some suggestions for the Values experiences you need to fulfill your LDS Young Women's Personal Progress. Pick one that best suits your own choice, sweet, and individual spirit. 

Read The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Ask an old lady in the ward to tell you how her decades of obedience to the Brethren, along with her expert baking skills, have ensured her a spot in the highest level of the Celestial Kingdom. Bake a batch of cupcakes with PINK icing.

Divine Nature
Read The Family: A Proclamation to the World. List the divine qualities you were endowed with in the Pre-Existence, such as sweetness, subservience, thriftiness, buxomness, a flair for macrame, a profound lack of curiosity, etc. Pick your favorite divine quality and embroider it onto a PINK pillow case using PINK thread and surrounding it with pretty PINK flowers or sea horses.

Individual Worth
Read The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Prepare to receive your Patriarchal Blessing. Learn who can give Patriarchal Blessings. Write an essay entitled Why I Can't Give a Patriarchal Blessing. Be sure and use PINK paper and PINK ink.

Read The Family: A Proclamation to the World. List some skills that will help you in your future career. Ask a little old lady in the ward to describe what the industry was like before the invention of the home food processor. Then make some really cute animal shaped sugar cookies with PINK frosting.

Choice and Accountability
Read The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Vow to avoid bad choices based on worldly logic and selfish personal preferences. Commit yourself to the One and Only True Church in spite of the consequences. Compose a poem entitled, Fun and Important Things my Non-Member Friends Get to Do but I Don't. Then print it in calligraphy on PINK paper using PINK ink.

Good Works
Read The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Learn about the neediest in society by talking to your dad, bishop, or even by reading a newspaper. Develop skills to help the needy, such as sock darning, mending, candy making and cross stitch. Crochet a dozen blankets and send them to Darfur. Be sure to use PINK yarn.

Read The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Commit to standing for righteousness before your less-active and non-member friends. Cover your school text books with PINK paper, do your class work in PINK pen and pencil, and wear only PINK to school for a month. (Don't use PINK pencil to fill in the bubbles on computer scored tests. It doesn't work.)

Read The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Embroider Marriage Between a Man and a Woman is Ordained of God onto a PINK pillowcase. Then study what the prophet Brigham Young taught about traditional marriage. Check out the CleanFlicks version of Steel Magnolias and freeze frame the wedding scene until you can tell the difference between BLUSH and BASHFUL.

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  1. My temple name is DeborahApril 20, 2010 at 2:08 PM

    HAha "buxomness" and "a profound lack of curiosity." Love it.

  2. I pray focusing on pink will be a reminder to the girls to embrace their femininity and stay away from those dangerous feminists and lesbians!

  3. I do too, Steve. I also pray that they avoid the cursed darker shades.

  4. Donna,(Dahli-mama here) I want to thank you for your very insightful suggestions. I'll be forwarding these on to my own lovely 18 yr. old buxom daughter so that she can become more pure and holified and prepared for her celestial role as an eternal heifer for a righteous Priesthood holder who will treat her like the eight cow wife she should be.

    Thankyou for creating a blog where I can keep up on current church events, thereby strengthening my own rock solid testimony and learning how others in God's chosen kingdom manage to stay true to the faith.

    In a shameless plug for my own perspective, I'd like to direct you to this place and show a warm welcome and hand of fellowship to any that read or post a comment. Free vat of green jello or crispy dog poop casserole to the first five visitors. http://insanadfindingthepony.blogspot.com/2010/04/dog-poop-casserole-by-insana-d.html

  5. Excellent! I always eat my green jell-o by the vat.

  6. Love your pink ideas, Donna!

  7. omg, this is hilarious!!! i SO want to forward it on to my sisters that run young womens in their wards...tempting...

  8. Dear Sarah,
    You must forward it. Think of all the blankets they could crochet for Darfur.