Another NorCal Ex-Mormon Testimony Meeting

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward
From: Donna Banta
Subject: We would again be remiss if  . . .

My dear friends from the Abbottsville Fourth Ward,

Just because we're ex-Mormons doesn't mean we don't have testimonies. After all, it takes a village/ward to raise an ex-Mormon. In that spirit, we gather every first Sunday to express our gratitude to the people and circumstances that helped us see the light. 

This month our thanks went out to:

1. The San Francisco Ferry Building and its myriad venues for breaking the fast, the Sabbath, and the Word of Wisdom.
2. The historical problem that Mormon leaders have keeping their stories straight -- from Joseph Smith and his multiple versions of the First Vision, to Paul Dunn and his slew of bogus faith-promoting stories.
3.  The historical problem we had keeping our own stories straight. -- Or, how thankful we are that we no longer have to find ways to say we "know the church is true" without really saying it. It used to be: "I know... that god lives." or "I have a strong ... testimony of ... the gospel." Now it's just: "It's a load of crap." 
4. Well-meaning TBM moms. Like the one who can't stop sending her son pro-Mormon emails that argue against his point of view. Or another who likes to slip in an invitation to church just as her son and DIL are hurrying out the door. (Hoping that in the rush of the moment they'll accept.)
5. The nincompoops at BYU who brought a world class Rodin exhibit to the campus, then hid most of the sculpture in the basement.
6. The nincompoops in the COB who decided to "glam up" the sister missionaries by finally letting them "wear colors" and go without pantyhose. (Now that pantyhose are coming back into style.)
7. # 10 cans of freeze dried potato flakes.
8. The bargains at the bar ware sale at Sur la Table that helped keep the children amused during the meeting.

Way more educational than the "Testimony Glove!"

In addition to extolling the joys of not living the gospel, we also addressed the following weighty points of doctrine:

How will rank and file church members react if the Prophet decides to reverse the church's stand on gay marriage? Will they be angry that God has once again changed his mind? Or will they be relieved that they can finally be on the right side of the issue?
--We decided it would probably be a toss-up between the two.

Who's the bigger asshole? Packer or Bednar?
--Another toss-up.

But, after extended discussion, we were inconclusive on the question of how, if the two were separated, the left and right brain would respond individually when asked, "Do you believe in God?"
--No, we were not stoned.

We closed with a discussion of these upcoming events:

A boozy and/or highly caffeinated General Conference pot luck.

A litany of ex-Mormon holiday pot lucks.

A freeze-dried food pot luck.

A clandestine infiltration of the church vault that will require each of us to drop inside on a wire whilst deftly dodging the errant motion sensors. More details to come.

If we have offended any of you -- or have forgotten to thank someone, kindly share your testimony in the comment field. Also any spy ware and technical expertise will be appreciated.

An Ex-Mormon In Paris

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward, and the seven wonderful followers of my blog
From: Donna Banta
Subject: A BYU alum finally sees Rodin and other things

Friday, May 21, 2010

Around 9:00 AM
Paris, France.

Mark and I had breakfast at our hotel, then walked a few blocks to the Musee Rodin, housed in the former Hotel Biron. It was a glorious day, the garden was just coming into bloom and boasted a stunning view of the Eiffel Tower. Seeing Rodin's work was a treat for a pair of disgruntled BYU grads shamed by their alma mater's censorship of a Rodin exhibition in the Fall of 1997. After requesting, authorizing and paying for the exhibit, BYU decided to ban four nude sculptures immediately before the exhibition opened on October 27, 1997. One of the censored sculptures was The Kiss. A Sunstone Magazine article quoted the following:


An AP story, which was picked up nationally by newspapers such as USAToday, quoted [BYU Art Museum Director Campbell] Gray as saying,"We have felt that the nature of those works are such that the viewer will be concentrating on them in a way that is not good for us."


That same day the Church owned Deseret News further quoted Gray as saying that the excluded pieces did not convey a positive message about either Rodin or the exhibition. "Nudity isn't the issue, it's more the latter [lack of dignity] ."


The Salt Lake Tribune also quoted the museum director in an enigmatic statement: [The decision to exclude] "is more a process of trying to ensure that the integrity of the exhibit is maintained." The Tribune also noted that Gray denied that censorship is occurring and quoted him further: "Censorship connotes a sense of fear. If we had a sense of fear. we wouldn't do this because of the media attention we are drawing." Read the full article here.

Another of the censored sculptures, Monument to Balzac, was described by then BYU President Merrill J. Bateman as a "nude male in the act of self-gratification," an interpretation that drew a slew of incredulous reactions from serious art critics, as well as a bunch of mean-spirited sarcastic bile from ex-Mormons like me.

Among the many ironies of this idiotic episode was that patrons of the BYU exhibit could purchase books that included pictures of The Kiss and the other Rodin nudes at the BYU museum bookstore. Moreover, BYU art students were allowed to study the censored works in their classrooms, but not view the real things when they were on their campus.

So here I am, at long last, viewing The Kiss:

Guess I should have studied with these guys instead of at BYU:

Parisian Primary Grade Students Preparing to Sketch Rodin's "The Age of Bronze."

Around noon
Paris, France

We lunched at a sidewalk cafe across from the Musee Rodin. To-die-for goat cheese salads, a carafe of rose wine, one raspberry tart, and two cafe cremes. Then we strolled around Paris until it was time to leave for our flight.


                                                                  

Around 10:00 PM
New York, New York

We'd come through customs at JFK, freshened up in our Mid-town hotel room and were now strolling the streets of Manhattan. The night was clear and warm enough for just shirtsleeves. My past visits to New York have been uniformly pleasant, and entirely absent of New Yorkers' fabled rudeness. That was until tonight:  (Caution advised.)

The LDS temple's proximity to Lincoln Center seemed, to say the least, disturbing. From now on, my image of sophisticated Manhattanites attending a performance of The American Ballet Theater, or enjoying the talents of Yo Yo Ma will be overshadowed by the scenario playing out across the street. That is, the Mormons, dressed up in Pillsbury dough boy hats and green satin aprons, exchanging secret handshakes, waving their arms around, then retiring for "celestial" meditation in a room that resembles the lobby of the Sacramento Radisson. I must admit, Gotham does have its share of kooks and crazies.

We abandoned the LDS temple for dinner at a sidewalk cafe. Seated around us were couples engaged in discussion about the plays and performances they'd just come from. Mercifully, we heard no mention of the Patriarchal Grip. Then we strolled past Central Park to our hotel, marveling at having viewed the Empire State Building and the Eiffel Tower on the same day.                                  
                                                                                                      
12:45 AM (Technically May 22)
New York, New York

The bar at the hotel was open for 15 more minutes, so we ordered a couple of martinis. Wow! Mark and I closed out a bar for the first time since . . . oh yeah, we went to BYU.

Because her last e-mail made no mention of the Musee Rodin, I've sent Sister Millie Loomis a complete photo gallery of Rodin's nude sculpture.