Monday, January 4, 2010

More Temple Wedding Tips

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward
From: Sister Delores Souter
Subject: Book Signing at Souter Formal Wear

The Abbottsville Stake Young Women lined up early outside of Souter's Bridal and Formal Wear for a chance to hear LDS wedding coordinator, Randy Johnson.  Brother Johnson did not disappoint. Thanks to his valuable advice, every Mormon girl in Abbottsville may look forward to the wedding of her dreams.

The following is a portion of the chapter he read from his new book, Queen for an Eternity:

In addition to proper attire and hairstyle, the clever temple bride should practice for the dressing and undressing ritual she will perform in the temple. Understand that all of the people attending your temple ceremony, including the groom, will have probably been through this routine before. Be prepared for them to slide in and out of their clothing like a G-rated version of the Chippendale dancers, then turn to disparage your clumsy attempts. Given the secrecy that surrounds the temple, I have long been at a loss to suggest an activity that might prepare a girl for this exercise. Then, last month when I was on a cross-country flight from Salt Lake to Boise, I had an epiphany while watching the flight attendant demonstrate the safety features on the aircraft. The flight attendant, Phred, turned out to be incredibly friendly and agreed to help me with a little play-acting. I was the new bride and he was a version of the bossy voice that booms from the speakers during the temple session.
Phred: Sister Johnson, put on your airline blanket.

I took the blanket from the arm rest and tied it around my waist.

Phred: Sister Johnson, remove your blanket and take off your shoes. Put your life vest on backwards, tie your oxygen mask around your waist in the back, put your blanket back on, open your in-flight magazine to page sixteen and stick it on your head, then put your shoes on.

Oh my heck, that was quite a bit to follow. But having been to the temple on numerous occasions, I managed to do all of this the first time through. Don't feel bad if it takes you a few times to get it right.

Phred: OK Sister Johnson, now I want you to take it all off, your shoes, blanket, mask, vest and magazine. Then put your life vest on in the right position, tie your oxygen mask around your waist in the front, put your blanket back on, turn your magazine to page forty and stick it on your head, then put on your shoes.

I must admit that in spite of my experience, my execution of these tasks was considerably less deft, thanks in part to a sudden burst of turbulence that caused me to careen on top of Phred and accidentally inflate my life vest. But don't worry, this probably won't happen in the temple.

Now, I want to say a few words about the temple recommend interview. In order to receive your pass to get into the temple, you will be required to submit to a one-on-one interview with your bishop. Sometimes sisters are uncomfortable with the intrusive questions their bishop asks. Luckily, I don't have that problem. I'm happy to answer to the bishop, and in detail. In fact, I'm still confused about an experience I had recently. I arrived for my yearly interview at the appointed time, but instead of inviting me into his office, the bishop slapped a new recommend in my hand, then hurried out of the building. I don't know why he did that. And he hasn't returned my calls.

At any rate, I understand that many sisters are embarrassed to sit alone in a room with a man whom they barely know and discuss kissing, fondling, intercourse, orgasms, erections, and masturbation. The best advice I can offer is to remember that your bishop is only talking to you about these things because he has been called of God to protect and preserve your moral dignity.

To order any of Brother Johnson's books, or sign up for his "Cross Country Temple Preparation Flight," visit his website at Also, be sure to watch your e-mail for more events at Abbottsville Bridal and Formal Wear.

If you would like to stop receiving these e-mails, we'll schedule you for a one on one with the bishop.

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