Friday, November 16, 2012

New Opportunity For Wealthy Republican Donors

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward
From: T. Loren Dunn, Ward Financial Clerk
Subject: Convert your wealthy Republican friends!

Disappointing as they were, the results of the recent national election have uncovered a new demographic of potential converts. And just in time for tithing settlement!

In light of this exciting discovery, the Brethren in Salt Lake City have sent the following mailing out to all wealthy Republican donors:

Not interested in paying your fair share of taxes but eager to give billions to a super-pac with a contrived world view and virtually no relationship with math and science? Eager to invest in an organization that doesn't explain how it spends your money and does seemingly nothing for you in return? Do you believe that the definition of legitimate rape is the pressing moral issue of our time? In other words, have you enjoyed being a Republican these past 4 years? Then you'll LOVE being a Mormon! Contact your local LDS ward meetinghouse for details.

Be ready, Abbottsville Fourth, for what is sure to be a mythic influx of membership in the coming weeks!

If you would like to stop receiving these emails, call the ward meetinghouse and have your credit card handy. Also, check out this nifty post on ExMormon Mavens!


  1. Yeek. Sounds like Catholicism.

  2. It's up the same alley all right...

  3. Donna-

    I was looking for White and Delightsome, and I can't seem to find it! Is it gone? All gone?

  4. Yes, sadly, White and Delightsome is gone. Jennifer and I were running out of creative juices. Thanks for asking, Heather!