Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Abbottsville Sisters Struggle To Define Rights

To: Abbottsville Stake Relief Society Sisters
From: Mitchell Knightly, President of the Abbottsville Stake
Subject: Abbottsville sisters weigh in on rights!

Dear Sisters,
Congratulations! The following article in the Abbottsville Gazette features some of you:

LDS Women Struggle To Define Their Rights
Published: January 23, 2013

ABBOTTSVILLE, CA -- During a recent BYU Devotional, the LDS General Young Women's president stirred up mass confusion within Abbottsville's Mormon community when she made the following statement:

"Young women, you will be the ones who will provide the example of virtuous womanhood and motherhood. You will continue to be virtuous, lovely, praiseworthy and of good report. You will also be the ones to provide an example of family life in a time when families are under attack, being redefined and disintegrating. You will understand your roles and your responsibilities and thus will see no need to lobby for rights."

Ever obedient, local Mormon women are eager to heed their leader's counsel. However it is unclear if the Young Women's president was referring to women's rights in general, such as equal pay for equal work, if she was reacting to the internal controversy over "LDS feminists" wearing pants to church, or if she was simply citing the everyday privileges the average Mormon woman seeks to obtain. For example, the right to open her own door.

"I really wish the Brethren would offer some clarity here," LDS housewife, Fiona Harold said. "It took me forty-five minutes to exit the pharmacy just now, and I still have to pick up my dry cleaning."

While some struggle to open doors, others take refuge in their assigned roles.

"I think the key here is sticking to what we have always understood to be our place," Renee Newsome, a local LDS Young Women's leader, said in a telephone interview. "Until I hear otherwise, I'm spending the entire day in the bedroom. Just to be safe."

LDS Church Headquarters has yet to comment on this matter.

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  1. "You will also be the ones to provide an example of family life in a time when families are under attack, being redefined and disintegrating."

    Translation: Don't get any wild ideas from those feminists and gays! Stay in the kitchen and you'll do fine.

    "You will understand your roles and your responsibilities and thus will see no need to lobby for rights."

    Translation: We are the Morg. Resistance is futile. You will stay home, bake cookies, and pop out future tithers.

    By the way, how did Fiona Harold get out of the house? If she needs someone to open doors for her all the time, trips to the restroom must be incredibly awkward.

  2. Ahab, you are indeed fluent in Mormonspeak. I wonder about poor Sister H. too. I have this mental image of her sitting in her car waiting for a man to come over and open her door.

  3. This would explain why I never got to know any Mormon women.

  4. @Jono, they don't get out much. lol

  5. Who wants (equal) rights anyways? Certainly not Elaine S. Dalton... and she's trying to convince young women to have the same opinion. Good luck with that Sister Dalton! Good luck!

  6. On "Wear Pants to Church" Sunday, one of my really enlightened LDS aunts simultaneously wore three dresses to church (layered, with the longest on first and the shorter ones on the outside). She thought she was making a statement. The only statement anyone with an IQ over 50 got out of her wardrobe choice that day was just how much of a wack job my aunt is.

  7. @Heather, indeed. Her view is pretty archaic. But then, Stepford/Mormon wives don't know the word "archaic."

    @AlexisAR, funny story! Thanks for sharing. There are so many examples of silly, inconsequential things that Mormon women do that they think makes a statement. Unfortunately the statement is, "I'm powerless."

  8. Laughed so hard! The whole opening doors thing drives me crazy. Or I guess I should say drove me crazy. :)

  9. @Leah, glad you're able to get in and out of buildings on your own now. :)

    I don't think I opened a single door on campus the entire time I was at BYU.

  10. It is always amusing to see the stampede of men at BYU worried that a women hasn't figured out how to use a door yet.

  11. FutureMissionary, so that's still going on at BYU today. It's a comfort to know that some things never change.--sigh.