Thursday, July 25, 2013

Thank Heaven For The Utah Pioneers!

--Without them we wouldn't have such cool parties.

The celebrating began for me yesterday at 4:00 p.m. when Jerry and Cheryl dropped by for a bit of wine on my patio. We discussed the pioneers, the prophets, LDS Church history and Utah culture, noting how much more enjoyable these topics were when accompanied by a good glass of cabernet. Then the three of us headed over to the Hotel Utah Saloon, where Mark and some more happy heretics trickled in for the happy hour.

Our numbers were smaller this year. It's a tough gig for people coming after work, especially since we have to clear out at 8:00 p.m. when the concert starts. Nevertheless, our usual group of diehards were there, making for another very fun party.

This is the place!

We ate, drank, engaged in loud laughter and plenty of evil speaking of the self-appointed. One woman shared an amusing genealogy chart made by a believing sibling who managed to connect her line to every famous person imaginable, including Joseph Smith (although it was unclear via which wife.)

But perhaps the most interesting conversation thread was introduced by Natalie, who wasn't there last night, but had posted on Facebook that she'd seen the missionaries collecting cans and bottles out of the recycle bins in her East Bay neighborhood. As the evening progressed and more alcohol was consumed, our members drew two opposing explanations for this activity:

1. The Church gives the missionaries such a piddly allowance that the poor schlubs are forced to steal cans and bottles out of neighborhood recycles in order to raise money for food.

2. If the missionaries fail to convert a potential tithe-payer at his front door, the Brethren have instructed them to go around back and troll through his trash. (So the Elders' efforts aren't completely fruitless.)

Warren and Teeny dropped by later and bar-hopped with some others afterward

At the end of the evening, the second theory seemed to carry the most weight, prompting Mark and I to further speculate on the drive home. Maybe, as an act of charity (or in lieu of tithing), we should deliver all of our empty wine bottles to our local LDS chapel! . . . . We'll ask for feedback on that idea at the next party. 

There is one thing I know with every fiber of my being: there will be another party!


  1. My vote is for the piddly allowance theory.

    1. You could be right. Maybe we should donate our empty bottles to the Elders, just in case.

  2. I saw a post of a sign in a Utah bar it read:
    "Pie and Beer Day"


    1. Funny! My friend in Park City calls it that too. :)

  3. I'm with Ahab. Those poor kids practically have to live on air now that the cult handles all the funds and does not allow mishies to receive $$ directly from their families.

    1. Well, I hope the cult leaders don't read my blog, then. If they find out the missionaries can make money picking through the trash, they'll probably cut their allowance even more.