Friday, April 11, 2014

I Have A Really Good Excuse!

It's a short blog this week, but I have a really good excuse. I've been visiting my adorable granddaughters!

She just can't sit still for the camera.

Neither can Grammy.
Thank god the General Authorities in Salt Lake stepped up to the plate this week and wrote the satire for me.

Stung by the persecution they suffered in the press last October when they denied women admission to the semi-annual General Priesthood Session, the Brethren made the brilliant decision to not only ban women, but also reporters--providing this blogger as well as at least one member of the press with the kind of high satire we could never have invented ourselves.

Honestly, what would bloggers like me do without them?

Then famous funny man, Dallin Oaks, used his time at the Priesthood Session pulpit to assure his exclusively male audience that women have authority!

Not to be outdone by his elders, 62-year-old Neil L. Andersen, the youngest Mormon GA, reminded the faithful that the church is still adamantly opposed to gay marriage--prompting Jeffrey R. Holland to make the following hysterical observation:

"Unfortunately, messengers of divinely mandated commandments are often no more popular today than they were anciently . . . and because their words at times seem harsh, LDS leaders are accused of being "provincial, patriarchal, bigoted, unkind, narrow, outmoded and elderly."

--Well, that almost covers it. Throw in homophobic and he nails it. 

Do you see what I mean Gentle Readers? Not even Colbert could come up with this stuff.

And how does Elder Holland view the likes of us?

"...if people want any gods at all, they want them to be gods who do not demand much, comfortable gods, who not only don’t rock the boat but don’t even row it, gods who pat us on the head, make us giggle, then tell us to run along and pick marigolds."

--Oh . . . I'm giggling all right.


  1. Self-parody is comedy gold. LDS leaders don't seem to realize how they come across to the outside world.

    1. I think they've been so isolated for so long, adored by the faithful, and basically have no clue.

    2. Honestly, I think they're advised by psychologists and their marketing department on how best to keep the sheeple disempowered such that they will keep faithfully paying their dues.

      Those little girls are absolutely adorable!

    3. I think you're right AT. They're masters at portraying themselves as the victims.

  2. How could someone as young as you possibly have grandchildren?
    And yes, they do it to themselves.

  3. You say not even Colbert could come up with this stuff. I say let him try. Make Colbert a G.A.! It probably pays as well as either his Comedy Central gig or his new one as Letterman's replacement. And he gets a second anointing out of the deal as well.

    Regarding women and authority . . .of COURSE women have authority. They have authority over changing diapers, over how long to boil the spaghetti, and, in some cases, authority over how they will do their own hair. People who say women in the LDS church have no authority know not of what they speak.

  4. P.S. The granddaughters are adorable.

    1. Aw, thank you! The GA's not so much-as you infer above.

  5. Aww, cute grandbabies. They're beautiful girls.

    I was reading through your linked articles; and, though there were a number of laughable quotes I think this is my favorite:
    ~Jeff Holland~
    Jesus said "not only should we not break commandments, but we should not even think about breaking them."

    "And if we do think about breaking them," Holland continued, "we have already broken them in our heart. Does that sound like ‘comfortable’ doctrine, easy on the ear and popular down at the village love-in?"

    Is that where we are? village love-in? hilarious.

    I also didn't realize how old BKP is. If he ever makes it to the top of the hierarchy, sheesh, it will be time for the day of reckoning for sure. I kind of hope T. Monson out lives him.

  6. okay so now I'm really curious. Does anyone know what Holland is referring to when he says 'the village love-in'?

    1. If Holland has any idea what a "village love-in" is then he's - by his own admission - guilty of breaking at least 10 commandments in his heart.

      And yes, BKP is 89. But don't call him elderly! - snort.

    2. Just Jill -- I thought he was referring to the music events and Vietnam War protests of the late 1960s. Why he's referring to those in 2014 is beyond me.

    3. Because he/they are woefully behind the times, I'm afraid.

  7. Those babies are soooooo cute!