From: Dennis Newsome, advisor to the Stake Public Affairs Council
Subject: Additional Explanations from the Brethren
Because there continues to be "got-ya" questions from the less faithful who frequent certain anti-Mormon websites like here and here, the Brethren have published some additional explanations for polygamy in Kirtland and Nauvoo, again employing their usual inspired logic. Read below:
Plural Marriage in Kirtland and Nauvoo -
Additional Explanations
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Joseph Smith faced many challenges after he received the revelation to practice plural marriage. At one point, a mob, led by the brother of one of his spirit wives, dragged Joseph from his house and threatened to castrate him. The threat of castration, serious by today's standards, was considered harmless in that era, akin to a fraternity prank, or a kidnap breakfast. Joseph encountered many such mobs and knew fully well that they were just joshing. In this specific case, he was only tarred and feathered.
In another instance, Joseph approached the bedside of a fair maiden and asked if he could sleep with her. When she declined, he reminded her that it was the will of the Lord that she succumb. When she still refused, he offered her $5.00. Rebuffed again, Joseph left her bedside, sought out the maiden's husband, and successfully exchanged 8 cows for a night with the man's wife. The story went on to become the inspiration for a popular film on the Hallmark Channel.
On June 7, 1844, the first edition of the Nauvoo Expositor criticized the practice of plural marriage. Very little was published or recorded after that as Joseph Smith declared the paper a public nuisance and ordered the press destroyed. Because of this and other similar actions by Joseph, some ambiguity will always accompany our knowledge of early Mormon polygamy. Like Joseph's spirit wives and their husbands, we "see through a glass darkly" and are asked to walk by faith.
If you would like to stop receiving these emails a mob might show up at your door and threaten to castrate you. Just joshing.
In another instance, Joseph approached the bedside of a fair maiden and asked if he could sleep with her. When she declined, he reminded her that it was the will of the Lord that she succumb. When she still refused, he offered her $5.00. Rebuffed again, Joseph left her bedside, sought out the maiden's husband, and successfully exchanged 8 cows for a night with the man's wife. The story went on to become the inspiration for a popular film on the Hallmark Channel.
On June 7, 1844, the first edition of the Nauvoo Expositor criticized the practice of plural marriage. Very little was published or recorded after that as Joseph Smith declared the paper a public nuisance and ordered the press destroyed. Because of this and other similar actions by Joseph, some ambiguity will always accompany our knowledge of early Mormon polygamy. Like Joseph's spirit wives and their husbands, we "see through a glass darkly" and are asked to walk by faith.
If you would like to stop receiving these emails a mob might show up at your door and threaten to castrate you. Just joshing.
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You know, the LDS can't keep a lid on its dark secrets forever. Church members in the generations to come will find out about their religion's dirty secrets, and when they do, they'll push for transparency or leave.
ReplyDeleteYes, this is already happening, Ahab. I suppose there will always be those who stay with the church because its their comfort zone, because they are truly happy within it, or - unfortunately - they fear being shunned by loved ones if they leave. Some will always be in denial about the true history of the church. But a lot of Mormons are leaving these days. Free at last!
DeleteDonna, surely these are not actual statements from the church. I know this because those bastards don't have that great of a sense of humor.
ReplyDeleteI actually find them quite hilarious. But I admit, I did embellish a tad here. It's a bit like Dana's Reformed Egyptian bit in her address to the ExMormon Conference. Which is the Brethren and which is Donna? You decide.
Delete"My name is Joseph Smith and I'm a Mormon!"
ReplyDeleteOkay then.
Don't forget the hilarious anecdote about Joseph colluding with a 14-year-old hottie's father to trick her into believing they were only pretending to be married. The shock and terror on her face when 37YO Joseph took her to their wedding bed and committed statutory rape is a comedy for the ages. Ya just gotta look back and laugh at the hard shit.
ReplyDelete@Jono, that is hilarious! We should start our own campaign. @AT, you're kidding right? That's satire? Just when I thought I'd heard it all...
ReplyDeleteIt's been a while since I read the true story of Helen Mar Kimball but my recollection is that J. Smith told her father, Heber C. Kimball, that god had given him (Smith) Heber's wife, Violet (sp. may be different but I'm too lazy to check it). Heber made the agonizing decision to obey his profit and give Smith his beloved wife, whereupon Smith joyfully informed Heber that he "passed the test" and he could keep his wife.
ReplyDeleteSomewhere during all that joyful bargaining between the two dicks, it was agreed that Smith could have 14YO Helen instead Violet. Smith then approached Helen with his usual shpeel (god has given you to me and if you don't marry me you'll go to hell and so will everyone in your family). Helen later wrote that had she known the marriage was going to be anything other than "spiritual" (i.e. no one told me I had to sleep with the bastard), she would have not gone through with it.
I was just trying to help the Mo Church by putting a positive spin on the reality that their founding profit was a narcissistic dick and a sexual predator who should have gone to prison and experienced the joy of being someone's girlfriend.
Oh, so it was Helen Mar Kimball - the girl the Mo Church recently described as being "months shy of her 15th birthday" when she married Joseph. They also claim she was later defender of polygamy. Sick.
DeleteI'vr heard more rodiculous explamations of polygam than i can even remember. In American Hostory ion high sschool, some LDS girl was trying to explain that there were so many widows and single women , and it wasn't considered proper to provide for them without marrying them. i sttill remember my tea cher saying, "By whose definition was it not proper to help a widow or single woman without marrying her? this is the first i've ever heard of such a thing? where are you getting your information from" Of course the girls was getting it from LDS INC. Of course it was never improper for a man to be charitable to widows and single women. The whole thing was and still is ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteThe explanations are pretty lame indeed. I guess the one that works the best is "God commanded them." Of course, that still requires a huge leap of faith, as well as a somewhat negative opinion about the nature of God.
DeleteI think the church is a little too late to try and control the information people are Googling. If they'd had done these essays 20 years ago I think they'd have far better member numbers now.
ReplyDeleteSo my question is- why do members want to make-or think Joeseph never had sex with his wives other than Emma? They want Joseph to be this monogamous prophet but its all "wink wink" when it comes to later prophets and their plural relationships and 100 kids? Its insane.
Science has shown that plural marriages DO NOT populate the earth faster- so God missed the mark on that one...
God and science don't seem to have much in common these days. I agree the church is too late, and, frankly, they're beginning to look desperate.
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