Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Stocking Stuffers For The Sisters

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward Relief Society
From: Susan Renfro, Ward Relief Society President
Subject: Holiday gift suggestions

Dear Sisters,
Books make the best Christmas gifts, especially for the righteous members of our Go Sit in the Corner for Women book club. This season consider the following LDS titles:

Wears Mr. Mac

Ever wanted to be a fly on the prophet's wall? The Devil Wears Mr. Mac offers its readers precisely that. Written under the cloak of anonymity, this unexpurgated memoir recalls the experiences of a secretary who worked on the highest level at the Church Office Building. Follow along with "our girl Friday" as she fetches his Postum, schedules his calendar, provides his meals, tends to his wardrobe, and otherwise "inspires" the Lord's mouthpiece. Witness first hand the petty back-biting between the apostles. Learn how they really measure up in the locker room. Experience the backstage drama when Elder Packer's teleprompter fails. See how long President Uchtdorf spends in make-up. And witness the holy hell that breaks loose when the Seer and Revelator misses his pedicure. A must read for the General Authority groupie. 

Mormon Intellectual
Milton Pace, PhD

In this intimate memoir, Nobel physicist Milton Pace shares how he remains both a scientist and a believing Mormon thanks to his unshakable faith and burning testimony. He also credits Valium, primal scream therapy, Prozac, a padded cell and a polo mallet.

Paul H. Dunn
the authorized biography
by G. Reginald Durham

Paul H. Dunn, the authorized biography chronicles the true story of the world's most influential and well-connected Mormon. In addition to personal accounts of Elder Dunn's widely known triumphs on the battle and baseball fields, this new and fully annotated biography includes never before told stories about the former General Authority. Readers will be transported to the pre-existence, where Elder Dunn fought on the front lines in the War in Heaven, struck out Satan in the bottom of the ninth, and mingled with all manner of kings and queens, priests and priestesses. They will also glimpse his interactions with a host of LDS characters, including Nephi, Moroni, Ammon, Tom Trails, Johnny Lingo, and Charly. No believing Latter-day Saint should miss out on this amazing piece of work.

Women are from
Larry R. Martin, MD 

This breakthrough best seller presents the scriptural and scientific reasoning that supports the LDS priesthood holder's God-given right to buy in bulk.

If you would like to stop receiving these emails, we suggest you try primal scream therapy.


  1. Men are from Kolob? There's a space cadet joke about Mormon men just begging to be told here.

  2. Mormon men are "out there" alright.

  3. Sweetheart, you are a comic genius. To wit: "He also credits Valium, primal scream therapy, Prozac, a padded cell and a polo mallet."

    These will come in book form? You're gathering material for a stand up...except sitting down? Promise me it's something like this.

  4. Nance, thanks for your kind words.

    I have written a novel that I'm probably going to self publish soon. It's a dark comedy set in Abbottsville, CA. No plans for stand-up though. :)

  5. You wrote a book? I had no idea! Let us know when you publish it!

  6. @Ahab, yeah, it's very hard to sell a first novel to conventional publishers, so I think I'm going to break down and self-publish. I will let you know when I do. :)

  7. Buying "The Devil Wears Mr. Mac." Not the Paul H. Dunn biography (pretty sure I've read that one somewhere before ...). The scriptural and scientific reasoning in support of a p-hood holder's right to buy in bulk? I'll bet I could write that one.

    " No believing Latter-day Saint should miss out on this amazing piece of work."

    You can say that again. So much innuendo in one little sentence. I needed that.

  8. CD, humor beats primal scream therapy every time. :)

  9. Put me on your list of interested buyers for your first novel, Donna.

  10. In my enthusiasm, I forgot to say, "please".

  11. Awesome! I had to think about that last one for a sec, but that's my favorite. As if mormon men needed another reason to love Costco!

  12. Be sure and pre-order your copy, Ali