Wednesday, June 20, 2012

What The World Is Coming To


To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward
From: Millie Loomis, self-appointed ward media and culture critic
Subject: SIGN THIS PETITION!

Following the righteous lead of our fellow Saints in Jordan, Utah, some concerned citizens and I have penned the following petition to the Abbottsville School Board: 

We, many concerned parents and community members, present our petition to the Abbottsville School District Board of Education. We wish to express our deepest objection to Abbottsville High School's recent production of the play "Singing in the Rain." This production contained offensive materials not suited for a high school play and was in violation of district policy which requires drama productions to stay within "acceptable community standards." This content included a scantily clad girl jumping out of a cake, explicit descriptions of unnatural sexual liaisons (including a girl who refuses to "make love to a bush"), mockery of traditional marriage (including 2 boys dancing together, a girl and 2 boys in a menage a trois on a sofa, and the aforementioned cake number that featured a bunch of orgasmic girls cavorting in their underwear), near profanity throughout the script, and implied drug use (including a youth so high he runs up the side of a wall, and a strung out kid who is nearly arrested for splashing around in a puddle at an hour that is clearly past his bedtime.) 
This play used catchy tunes and slick choreography to support a dark and subversive pro-musical political agenda. Our tax dollars and our students, most of whom are minors, were used to support the erroneous notion that Hollywood musicals are just innocent and carefree vehicles for singing, dancing and wholesome fun. This play is part of a national campaign called the "Singing in the Rain School Theater Project." Its purpose is to inspire our students and our communities to stay up past bedtime, take to the streets, and jump around in puddles.
We demand an apology. This apology should include an admittance of violation of school district policy, an apology for exposing students to (implied) drunken tap dancing, a statement that the depiction of the Hollywood musical as "wholesome fun" did not represent the position of the school or the school district, and an assurance that singing, dancing and near profanity will never be performed onstage again.
Goal: 10,000 signatures
If you would like to stop receiving these e-mails we'll assume you are up past your bedtime.

***Note from blog owner: Alternatively you could check out the "Dead Man Walking School Theater Project." It's pretty cool!

16 comments:

  1. How's about Abbottsville High School presenting a performance of "Rent" instead?

    ::snorts::

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  2. Good one, Ahab. Or The Book of Mormon. :D

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  3. I can only imagine what their outrage would have been over my high school's production of "Lend Me A Tenor"...

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  4. Some people just have to see the worst in everything.

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  5. I've been looking through the journal I kept in high school for various reasons, and one entry from my sophomore year details how my family went to see my cousin in a performance of Children of Eden and my stepfather just couldn't enjoy it for what it was--he had to talk about how inaccurate and un-Biblical the show was, with undertones of "this is sacrilege."

    *sad trombone*

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  6. Rather than discuss what a wonderful experience it was for your cousin, and how talented s/he is. I know, it makes me want to scream.

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  7. Diana -- I know a Christian who acted the same way after a performance of "Jesus Christ Superstar."

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  8. I'll bet the school board members are descendants of the Harper Valley PTA.

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  9. @Jono, love that old song. I always wanted to be Mrs. Johnson who "wore her mini-skirt into the room."

    @Ahab JCSS was a big no-no in Mormon circles too. (Rolling my eyes.)

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  10. Oh my lord, Ahab, I am so glad in hindsight that I never saw Jesus Christ Superstar (or even Joseph) with my stepdad. The sad thing is that my equally-LDS mom loves musicals of all kinds and is able to, I don't know, suspend reality for a few seconds to enjoy them.

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  11. My FIL has been offended by Pat Bagley and Cal Grondahl cartoons, LDS friendly movies like God's Army and the Singles Ward, and articles about Utah in Sunset and National Geographic. Meanwhile, my believing MIL wants to read my novel. I've always felt that out of the 2 of them, she is the real believer, while he is the doubter, and therefore defensive.

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  12. Your FIL and MIL sound a lot like my parents. Dad froths at the mouth about anything evenly remotely risque and Mom handles it without batting an eye. And Dad likes to obsess over scripture verse and possible interpretations, while Mom just concentrates on doing the right thing.

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  13. pmgirl, sounds like your mom is comfortable with who she is and that's great. I remember you wrote about the coffee tasting with her -- it was coffee, right?

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  14. It was coffee. And it was a lot of fun; Mom always likes learning new things. :-)

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  15. "priscilla, Queen of the Desert" would have been a better selection.
    In the future, it is recommended that when the drama department's personnel are choosing a play or when the school's governing board is determining whether or not heads should roll over the drama department's choice of plays, a simple single-question test may be applied: What would Will Swenson do?

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