When Your Fictional Life Intrudes On Your Real One

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward and the wonderful people who read my blog.
From: Donna Banta
Subject: Fact vs. Fiction

Okay, so this morning I asked Mark if he had picked up his prescription. He stared at me for a second then answered, "Yes. I went last night after dinner. Remember?" I thought for a moment, shook my head, and said, "Are you sure?"

We went back and forth a few rounds before I got things straight in my mind. My husband had picked his prescription. But the character in the novel I'm currently writing had not.

This brings me to the question, what do you do when your fictional world intrudes on your real one? Give up writing novels? Not an option. Give up blogging? No way! Give up reading my friends' blogs? Are you kidding?! Give up watching news and following politics? Hello? It's the source of my best material.

Maybe that's the problem, the fictional world has become more believable than the real one. Or maybe I'm just crazy.

To illustrate my dilemma, I've compiled the following True or False quiz:

1. Four Mormon girls committed murder to get into BYU.
2. Glenn Beck has a university.
3. David Twede is Wm. Law X-Mormon of the Year (Yes!)
4. #21 in the LDS Hymnal is entitled As I Have Cast Off All the Lies.
5. The NRA wants to arm elementary school teachers.
6. President Paternoster recently died. (Say it's not so!)
7. Seven Miracles That Saved America by Chris Stewart and Ted Stewart is considered to be a work of non-fiction.
8. Senate Republicans refused to ratify a U.N. treaty protecting the rights of the disabled because they thought it would pose an international threat to American households.
9. Chris Stewart, coauthor of Seven Miracles That Saved America, is now a member of Congress.
10. Utah has a state gun.
11. A group of Mormon females call themselves feminists because they believe that women should be allowed to wear pants to church and offer prayers in General Conference.
12. There are Mormon males who feel threatened by these females.
13.  Leah has a new blog. (Yes! Yes!)
14. There are people who know the Church is true with every fiber of their being.
15. Mark Banta still hasn't picked up his prescription at the Abbottsville Pharmacy.

If you can separate the true from the false, you're far more sane than I am!

At 55 He's Finally Lost The Suit

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward
From: Donna Banta
Subject: Mark's Annual Birthday Post!

For as far back as he can remember, my husband, Mark, had to wear the suit on Sunday.

November 1959

At 19 he served an LDS mission, and sweated it out in the Indonesian jungle in both the suit and the Mormon temple garments. 

Mark is second from the left

Then he came home, got married, and got a couple of college degrees. Then he got a job. Pretty soon he was wearing the suit plus the garments every day of the week, and for 3+ hours on Sunday. He told himself he was happy. But it was all a lie.

See how he's dying inside?

Eventually he quit going to church. He claimed he quit going because he no longer believed and was opposed to the Mormon leadership's stand on social issues.

But I blame the suit. Also the Mormon underwear.

The reason I blame the suit and the underwear is because last week when I invited him to write the Fantasy Friday post over on White and Delightsome, this is what he came up with:

Scene: Brother Banta is watching a ball game in his boxer shorts and drinking a Steel Reserve. The phone rings, and the bishop’s name appears on the caller ID. Brother Banta puts down his ghetto beer, picks up the receiver, hollers — “NO” – then hangs up. He takes another swig of Steel Reserve.

So what do you think he'll wear for his birthday dinner tonight? His boxer shorts?

Or maybe his birthday suit?

YIKES!

Since we're going to a restaurant, let's hope it's his blue jeans.

Happy birthday honey!

He's Still Ex-Mormon -- And Loving It

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward
From: Donna Banta
Subject: He's another year older, and another year happier.

Since its beginning in September of 2009, Ward Gossip has poked fun at practically all aspects of Mormon culture, practice, and doctrine, including:

eternal marriage, Testimony Meeting, the Three Nephites, the Young Women's Program, temple garments, the Book of Mormon, Relief Society, full time missionaries, tithing, the Single Adults, the temple ceremony, the General Authorities, Mormon cuisine, kittens, BYU, General Conference, and LDS Public Affairs.
(Not to mention my scathing review of Utah restaurants on the hilarious KoriWhore's DoubleD's)

In all, I've posted 85 times, received over 450 comments, and dozens of personal emails. Most people who write are kind and encouraging. Some respectfully disagree. But so far, I have only been flamed once. It was exactly one year ago, on Mark's birthday.

Less than ten minutes after I posted "At 53, He's Still Happy, Healthy, and Ex-Mormon -- Don't You Hate That?" I received a private e-mail from an old "friend" from my childhood ward who told me I was "condescending," "hurtful," "narrow-minded," "uneducated," and "bitter." Then she called me a liar and suggested that I "just go on with my life" and keep my opinions to myself.

She closed her thoughts with, "I hope Mark enjoys his birthday and wish you the best with your family."

This bizarre missive confirmed a theory I have long believed.

Nothing pisses off a Mormon more than the existence of an openly happy Ex-Mormon.

In that spirit, I will again pay tribute to my husband of 30 years, and brace myself for the response.

Mark Steven Banta was born on March 22, 1957, in San Jose, California. He was raised a Mormon in a loving home. He enjoyed participating in church as a child, but grew weary of the faith as an adult, and eventually abandoned it.

Mormons are taught that those who leave are lazy, sinful, and doomed to a life of misery and suffering.

It hasn't exactly turned out that way for Mark, at least not over the past year. Consider the following common assumptions.

Ex-Mormons are bitter, angry, and miserable.

Schlummertrunk!

Not my sweetheart. Anyone who saw him at the 2010 Ex-Mormon Conference can tell you that, or at the Hotel Utah Saloon, or facing off Steve in a break-neck bowling competition, or at a certain restaurant in Berlin, Germany during the wee morning hours.

People who leave the church face financial ruin.
Well, he's not exactly rolling in it. But Mark continues to live on a quiet street in San Francisco, affords visits to Texas and Germany to see his children and granddaughter, and continues to hold a job in a bad economy. Believe it or not, eliminating tithing actually improved his bank balance!

People who leave the church like to look at porn.
Actually Mark's tastes are for the most part G-rated, except for church history books.

If a man leaves the church, his children will become drug addicts, runaways, and felons.

If appearances are any guide . . .

Our daughter, Emily, and Daniel

Our son, Marky, Meera, and baby
Keya

People leave Mormonism because they want to violate the Word of Wisdom, break the Sabbath and associate with bad influences.

Um, well that's true actually.

Mark has decided not to spend this life preparing for the next, and has been blessed accordingly.

As always, I am serving his requested dinner, this year stuffed bell peppers, baked potatoes, green beans, homemade apple pie, and a good bottle of wine. So there is no need, Abbottsville Fourth, to drop by with cakes, casseroles and a birthday message from The Ensign. Understand that if you do come over, you will see some very happy Ex-Mormons. -- And it will probably make you really really mad.

Happy birthday, honey.

NorCal Ex-Mormons Were In the News Again!

These ran on Sunday, March 20, 2011:

See Mark's picture in the paper! Along with Steve, Sarah, Ali, and me. Unfortunately this was taken on Easter Sunday of last year, so our turnout was relatively small. (We were six in total at the San Francisco Ferry Building, one declined to be photoed.)

http://www.contracostatimes.com/ci_17631281?source=pkg

This is an interview with former NorCal Ex-Mormon, Kerry Rutz, whom we miss.

http://www.contracostatimes.com/ci_17630914?source=pkg

Another interview with a fantastic NorCal Ex-Mormon.

http://www.contracostatimes.com/ci_17631655?source=pkg

They quoted me in this one, but got my age wrong -- I'm now 52 (sigh)

http://www.contracostatimes.com/ci_17641895?source=pkg&nclick_check=1

From Sunday, March 13, 2011:
http://www.contracostatimes.com/ci_17598506?source=pkg

This Just In: God Blew Up San Bruno

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward and the wonderful people who follow my blog
From: Donna Banta
Subject: God is speaking folks. Are you listening?

Mark and I read the following letter to the editor in yesterday's San Francisco Chronicle:

Divine judgment

First, I pray for those families who suffered in the San Bruno pipeline blast; this is a tragedy that could've been corrected with the right care being applied beforehand.

However, on a more divine level: This blast can be viewed as God's divine judgment upon San Fransicko (sic) for its ultra-leftist and anti-normal way of doing things, and for that sad excuse of a judge who overturned the will of the people in his anti-Proposition 8 ruling.

God is speaking, folks. Are you listening?

Lloyd Marshall Jr., Lockport, N.Y.

This morning Mark faxed this to the editor of the Lockport Union-Sun & Journal

Lockport Union-Sun & Journal
170 East Ave.
Lockport, N.Y. 14094
Main Phone: (716) 439-9222
Newsroom Fax: (716) 439-9239

September 13, 2010

I read with bemusement the following Letter to the Editor in the San Francisco Chronicle this morning, referring to the dreadful explosion last Thursday in San Bruno, a quiet suburb adjacent the San Francisco Airport:

Divine judgment

First, I pray for those families who suffered in the San Bruno pipeline blast; this is a tragedy that could've been corrected with the right care being applied beforehand.

However, on a more divine level: This blast can be viewed as God's divine judgment upon San Fransicko (sic) for its ultra-leftist and anti-normal way of doing things, and for that sad excuse of a judge who overturned the will of the people in his anti-Proposition 8 ruling.

God is speaking, folks. Are you listening?

Lloyd Marshall Jr., Lockport, N.Y.                                                                                    

Mr. Marshall can take some solace, I suppose, in the fact that he is not the first person to condemn San Francisco and San Franciscans for their “anti-normal” behavior.  San Francisco continues to prosper despite the condemnations regularly heaped on the City and its citizens by all sorts of pundits and religious do-gooders.

Shortly after the 1906 earthquake and fire, many clergymen condemned San Francisco, and attributed the earthquake to God’s divine retribution on a city and citizenry completely devoid of morality.  The local poet and wit Charles Kellogg Field responded with the following verse, noting that all the churches were burned down, but that the local distillery was spared the conflagration:

If, as some say, God spanked the town

For being over frisky,

Why did He burn the Churches down

And save Hotaling’s Whiskey?

God save you, Mr. Marshall, and all like-minded bigots.  We love living in San Francisco, and hope to share a pint with you whenever you visit.

Mark S. Banta, San Francisco, CA

Sigh. It never fails. Whenever a tragedy occurs, we can always rely on some narrow-minded "patriot," to offer faint sympathy for the victims, then change the subject to himself and all of the people and things he hates. Wherever they may live.

My dear friends from the Abbottsville Fourth Ward. I hope none of you share Mr. Marshall's opinion. However, I'm afraid that many of you do. So, I suggest you consider the words of Charles Kellogg Field. When Sunday rolls around, skip the church and head straight for the bar. Or, if it happens to be Fast Sunday, join the post-mormons at the San Francisco Ferry Building. Steve sets up our bunker next to Peet's Coffee.

I say this for your own safety. Because, as far as I can tell, we "San Fransicko's" won't be changing our anti-normal way of doing things anytime soon.

At 53 He's Still Happy, Healthy, and Ex-Mormon -- Don't You Hate That?

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward
From: Donna Banta
Subject: Happy Birthday, Honey!

Mark Steven Banta was born March 22, 1957 in San Jose, California, where he was raised Mormon in a loving home. The son of a school teacher, every summer he and his sisters were treated to camping trips across the U.S. and Canada. Mark's family also attended an LDS ward that provided him with a comfort zone of good friends and exemplary role models. He worked hard, excelling in school, sports and church, where he was the president of all three of his Aaronic Priesthood Quorums. At 18 he opted to attend BYU on an academic scholarship. It was the only school he applied to. Then, at 19, he agreed to serve an LDS mission. The Church sent him across the globe to Indonesia, to what would be a transformational event in his life.

Many LDS returned missionaries recall negative experiences. Doors slammed in their faces, guilt over lack of converts, pressure to convert everyone, strange companions, illness, filthy living conditions, etc. Mark had none of this. His was the "dream mission." It began in the Missionary Training Center when in a general meeting, President Max "The Ax" Pinegar pointed to the seven Indonesian missionaries, ordered them to stand, then to the other Elders' envy and disgust declared, "These are the only missionaries allowed out without suit coats." (This announcement was followed by a commotion of scared boys putting on their jackets.) Mark later learned that Indonesian law did not permit him to tract door to door. Also he was required to take two week-long trips to Singapore to renew his visa, where his only requirement was to "stay out of trouble." His housing included a housekeeper and cook, and he had a laid back mission president who didn't care about statistics. Basically Mark spent his mission sight-seeing, chatting people up, bashing around Singapore, and committing various missionary faux-pas such as flirting with the local girls, ogling a smuggled copy of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, and wading in the Indian Ocean. (Satan rules the waters, you know.) Once he and a companion sat behind the gamelan during a performance of The Ramayana, an experience he insists everyone should have. In retrospect, Mark wishes that he'd gone to Indonesia to study Javanese culture rather than to teach people about Joseph Smith. He also wishes he could have dressed more appropriately (no suit coats notwithstanding), and that he hadn't spent 3+ hours in church every Sunday. Nevertheless, Mark's mission, coupled with his childhood travels, left him with a hunger to see and experience a world far beyond the confines of Mormonism.

After Indonesia, he returned to BYU, and all of its scintillating social venues. For a couple of years, he bore down on his accounting books and generally avoided the dating scene. Finally his father sent him a check, along with the instruction to spend it on a date with a nice girl. The "nice girl" he selected happened to be me, a sarcastic convert from Southern California with a growing disenchantment with Mormonism and religion in general. We married in the Oakland Temple on December 27, 1980. Mark's little sister waited outside, along with my mother and my close friends, as they were not deemed worthy to witness the secret ceremony. Then we started a family, and did our best to "stay close to the church."

Mark had long been concerned with my complaints about the faith. But as our children began to come of age, he grew more aware of the patriarchal nature of Mormonism, its innate racism and homophobia, and the anti-intellectual message it conveyed. Also the personal demands seemed unreasonable. He wasn't sure he wanted his daughter marrying at 18, or his son serving a mission at 19. (Not everyone gets to go without a suit coat.) Like many who have posted on Recovery from Mormonism, Mark's dissatisfaction with Mormon culture led him to a deeper study of its doctrine and origins, and finally to the conclusion that it was not the right place for him and his family. Losing one's faith is never easy, particularly within a system like Mormonism, where those who leave are often shunned by family and friends. Mark was disappointed by many he admired, pleasantly surprised by a few.

Since then Mark has spent his Sundays enjoying family and friends, going to a movie or the beach, sitting in a cafe in Paris, exploring Manhattan's Central Park, drinking a pint in a London pub, or hanging out with Post-Mormons at the San Francisco Ferry Building. He swelled with pride when he watched his son and daughter receive their college diplomas, something he feared might not happen had they been raised as Mormons. Then he shed a tear at the wedding of our son, which he attended along with me, his little sister, and all the family and close friends who could be there. -- Something he's fairly certain would not have occurred had we remained in Mormonism.

My dear friends from the Abbottsville Fourth Ward, please do not drop by with cakes, casseroles and a birthday message from The Ensign. As always, I am serving his requested dinner, this year Boeuf Bourguignon, and a good bottle of wine. That is, unless you have a nice tawny port -- his favorite pairing with The Ensign.

Happy Birthday Honey!