Thursday, February 25, 2010

LDS Tours Offer Sensible Fun

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward
From: H. Roy Zilker, president of See Zion First! Mormon Travel and Tours
Subject: Upcoming vacations tailored just for you

Want to go abroad, but don't want to eat strange food, speak a different language, and deal with foreigners? Can't justify abandoning your church calling to go away "just for fun?" Never fear. The folks at See Zion First! have assembled an exciting line-up this year that will allow you to see the world without feeling like you've even left Sacrament Meeting.

Book of Mormon Tour, "Walk in Nephi's Footsteps."
Join us for a spiritually uplifting journey with renowned Book of Mormon scholar:
Jonathan Taylor Smith McConkie Pederson, AA, BA, MA, PhD, LLP, LPN, BSA, SAP
Participants will visit the actual sites of the Waters of Mormon, the Tree of Life, and the Rameumptom, meet a direct descendant of one of the 2000 Stripling Warriors, see where Jesus appeared to the Nephites, and (for an additional fee) speak to Jesus personally. Tour also includes a stop at the "El Footsteps de Nephi Trading Post," where proprietor Manny "Moroni" Gonzales stocks a host of treasures, such as authentic pieces of Nephi's steel bow and chunks of Lehi's ship. (Cash only, all sales final, vendor is armed and does not have access to the safe.) 

Historic Jaredite Barge Cruise.
Step back in time and cruise both above and beneath the sea just like the Jaredites in the Book of Mormon. Passengers sail in exact replicas of crafts reconstructed according to the instructions in Ether 2:16-24. Ships depart from the Port of San Francisco. Subsequent itinerary to be announced, as it is always difficult to predict which continent these barges will bob up on.

Viva Las Vegas! A Single Adult Super-Activity.
Experience Sin(less) City as you never have before! Join us five minutes from The Strip in the Mustang Middle School gym. Be prepared for some serious Vegas action -- Mormon style.
Dinner: Pot luck. Sisters to be assigned.
Show: The Winnemucca Ward Elvis Impersonators followed by a presentation by:
Jonathan Taylor Smith McConkie Pederson, AA, BA, MA, PhD, LLP, LPN, BSA, SAP
Gaming: Choose between Scripture Chase, LDS Hymnal Karaoke, and Back Room Bunco.* 
After that, dance the night away until you find "the one."**

*Temple recommend, 20% tithe, and completion of five family group sheets required for admission to Back Room.
**For your convenience the Las Vegas temple will be open 24 hours.

International Temple Excursion.
Enjoy the ultimate "in the world but not of it" experience on this whirlwind tour of the Mormon temples in Madrid, London, Copenhagen, Stockholm, Helsinki, Frankfurt, and The Hague. Meals, lovingly prepared by temple matrons, are included in the cost, and an LDS-owned air-conditioned coach delivers you directly to each temple door, ensuring that you rarely set foot off of church property. Want to soak up a little local color? Attend a session in the native language!

Speed Temple Tour for Single Gals.
Sisters are baptized for the dead in the Manhattan Temple, washed and anointed in London, and take out their endowment in Frankfurt. Finally they travel to the soon to be completed Rome temple to engage in a group sealing to Joseph Smith. Antonio Firenze Smoot, male model and member of the Tuscany Ward Elders' Quorum, will stand as proxy for the prophet Joseph. (Brother Smoot makes his cover debut in the next edition of Tall and Tawny Studs.) Tour limited to 200 women.

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  1. ooh, ooh, group sealing to JS, sign me up! a sure ticket to the top tier.

  2. Keep on working, great job!

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