Subject: Ward Preparedness Update
|No fair. I never get to have fun.|
Every ward member is advised to have on hand a one year supply of food, a hazmat suit, at least 2 hand guns, 4 rolls of duct tape, and a gallon jug of consecrated oil.
|We know he's a professor because|
he has a chalkboard!
Be aware, brothers and sisters, that we are the target and nowhere is safe. For example, I strongly suspect that during the closed-circuit televising of last Saturday's General Priesthood Session somebody poisoned the drinking fountains at the Abbottsville Stake Center with a substance that robs red-blooded American males of their precious bodily fluids.
Brethren in other stakes have voiced similar suspicions. I am assembling a task force to investigate how global this fiendish anti-Mormon plot has become, and will report our findings ASAP.
In the mean time remain vigilant, and don't forget to submit your nominations for our Official Ward Gun
This concludes your Ward Preparedness Update.
Your fellow patriot,
If you want to stop receiving these e-mails, we'll assume you're part of the plot.
(Psst ... Thanks Ahab for sending me the article I linked to "too much fun.")