Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Earning Her MRS Degree

To: Abbottsville Fourth Ward
From: Ruthie Renfro
Subject: Doing my darndest at BYU-I

Dear Abbottsville Fourth,

So it's Summer Session before my senior year at BYU-Idaho, and I know what you all are thinking: When's our Ruthie going to get her MRS? Golly, I wish I knew! All I can say is I'm doing my darndest!!

For starters, I'm taking, Economics, Algebra, Linguistics, Geography, and Logic.

...Now, I know what you're thinking, A-4, what's our dum-dum Ruthie doing with that schedule? Actually my reasoning is super smart. In every one of those classes, I'm the only girl in the lecture hall! Tee-hee! I'm joining as many sturdy groups as possible. ;-)

Also, I cook for 7 different guys' apartments, do housekeeping for 5, and iron for all the RM's I can rip the shirts off of. Unfortunately, 9 of the 27 missionaries I was writing have returned, but I keep a weekly correspondence with the remaining 18. Of course, all of this activity makes it hard to keep my grades up. But that might be a good thing. The more classes I flunk, the longer my senior year drags out!! ;-)

Speaking of those 9 missionaries who recently returned, 1 of them still isn't engaged!! Don't worry A-4, I'm on it! I just asked him to this Saturday's dance!! Oh, and guys, check out how I did it. First I sent him a super fancy invitation I handmade out of construction paper, pipe cleaners, and glitter. Then I sent him an e-vite. Then I blew up a life-sized cardboard cutout of me all decked out like Lady Gaga emerging from an egg (only modestly dressed, of course), snuck it into his room, and rigged it to play my voice singing "Don't be a drag -- let me be your queen" the minute he walked in the door. Then, just to be sure I got his attention, I spelled out "Dance Me" on his car windshield in unscrewed Oreos. Now I'm posting PLEASE SAY YES!! on his Facebook wall every 10 minutes until I hear back from him. I hope that covers my bases. Ordinarily it would, but it's senior year, and I can't leave any stone unturned! Better start tweeting him too.

Needless to say, I'm doing everything I can to make you proud A-4. The last thing I want is to embarrass or let you down. Also, it's super important to me to be an example to the Young Women. For one thing, I am happy to be the first female at BYU-I to take Logic!!!

I can't tell you how much I appreciate all of your prayers and e-mails. And that ward fast you held to help me with my weight loss is really working! As of this morning, I'm down 1 1/2 pounds!! With any luck, I'll slim down even more. -- Then maybe this time next year, I'll be filling up some maternity clothes!! ;-)

Keep praying for me guys!

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  1. Apparently Ruthie doesn't realize that men can smell desperation.

  2. Algebra is hella hard..


  3. LOL, poor Ruthie, she understands men about as well as she understands algebra.

  4. The sad thing is I knew Mo women just this pathetic. One used to get up in F&T meeting every month to report her progress (or not) in finding a man. She ended up marrying a man who spoke only Spanish. She spoke only English (did I already tell you this story because I'm having a flashback ...).

    She needed a husband and he needed to become an American citizen. Blog fodder? I think so.

    Also I think I need a drink. Then I'm off to sign a petition for the legalization of marijuana.

  5. OMG, no you hadn't told me that one, CD. Geez, how pathetic! And yes blog fodder God, I can hear the tearful testimony now -- "And then HF sent me Manuel..."

    I had a roommate at BYU who was getting up there and so worried she'd graduate single that she started having her HT's give her weekly blessings. In one she was told, "and you will find the strength to lose weight." Gag..

  6. A woman who spoke no Spanish married a man who spoke no English, and whose chief motivation was admission to the U.S.? Yeah, THAT sounds like a real match made in heaven. Did you hear how that pairing worked out?

  7. Probably as good as a couple I know who did that. As soon as his citizenship was secured, he took off.
    - prairieymph

  8. It seems the LDS community is a good place for people -- or men anyway -- who will do anything to gain citizenship. Just join the church, then pick out one of the many desperate women. (sigh)

  9. I'm pretty sure I knew Ruthie. She lived in the apartment across the hall from me when I was at BYU.

  10. jen, she lived in my BYU apartment complex too. Only years earlier. :)