I Would Be Remiss if I Didn't Thank Prop 8

Last Sunday was Fast and Testimony Meeting, and as my gentle readers--plus the saints in the Abbottsville Fourth Ward--well know, that means the Post-Mormons gathered at the San Francisco Ferry Building for our own unique form of worship. This month we welcomed quite a few new members, and, of course, invited them to tell us a little about themselves. While the newcomers varied in age, profession and domestic situations, their life journeys included a common theme:

• "I left the LDS Church in 2008 because of its support of Prop 8."
• "I left the LDS Church many years ago, but then officially resigned in 2008 because of Prop 8."
• "I quit going to church but didn't tell my extended family. Then I came out to them over Prop 8."
• "I was partially active to please my family. Then in 2008…" 

2008 was a very big year for the Ex-Mormons. But the Brethren in Salt Lake still don't get that, as Dallin Oaks demonstrated recently at a regional conference in New Zealand where he delivered yet another tiresome screed against gay marriage.

Of course, the LDS Church has always had a dickens of a time figuring out "traditional marriage," from the early days of polygamy to today's bizarre Mormon version of nuptials--the bride and groom decked out in crazy-assed get-ups and exchanging vows before the privileged few while the majority of their loved ones cool their heels outside the temple.

As the usually cheerful blogger, Single Dad Laughing, said in his post today:

"Want to know something sad? I don’t go to my family’s weddings anymore. Not my cousins. Not even my siblings. At least not if they take place in Mormon temples (which most of them do). Know why? Because. If I do go, I don’t even get to go. I am asked to sit down with everyone’s children and babysit because I am not considered worthy to go inside and watch the ceremony. And let me tell you how fun that is, hanging out with all the teenage girls and trying to corral three dozen out of control toddlers."

The poor Mormon authorities. Lies, guilt, exclusion, organized tedium, flagrant bigotry, and stubborn adherence to the wrong opinions just aren't enough to retain those numbers anymore. Meanwhile, our Post-Mormon attendance continues to increase, as has our loud laughter, light-mindedness, and evil speaking of the self-appointed.

But we aren't trivial. Last Sunday we debated whether Kolob was a planet or a star--a spirited discussion that continued into the next day over the internet. I was convinced it was a star, until one of our newbies, Dan, provided me with scientific proof that Kokob was the star and Kolob the planet. And then it all seemed to make sense when longtime attendee, Cheryl, pointed out that a person couldn't "hie to a star,"because she'd burn up! Only that sparked further debate over whether a person's garments would protect her from burning up, also over whether or not our resurrected bodies would need them. Wouldn't our magic underwear be built into our skin? Or perhaps the Celestial Distribution Center will sell a spray-on variety. Our findings were inconclusive. Nevertheless, it was way spiritual.

And I would be remiss if I didn't thank Prop 8.