Thursday, June 5, 2014

I Would Be Remiss if I Didn't Thank Prop 8

Last Sunday was Fast and Testimony Meeting, and as my gentle readers--plus the saints in the Abbottsville Fourth Ward--well know, that means the Post-Mormons gathered at the San Francisco Ferry Building for our own unique form of worship. This month we welcomed quite a few new members, and, of course, invited them to tell us a little about themselves. While the newcomers varied in age, profession and domestic situations, their life journeys included a common theme:
  • "I left the LDS Church in 2008 because of its support of Prop 8."
  • "I left the LDS Church many years ago, but then officially resigned in 2008 because of Prop 8."
  • "I quit going to church but didn't tell my extended family. Then I came out to them over Prop 8."
  • "I was partially active to please my family. Then in 2008…" 
2008 was a very big year for the Ex-Mormons. But the Brethren in Salt Lake still don't get that, as Dallin Oaks demonstrated recently at a regional conference in New Zealand where he delivered yet another tiresome screed against gay marriage.

Of course, the LDS Church has always had a dickens of a time figuring out "traditional marriage," from the early days of polygamy to today's bizarre Mormon version of nuptials--the bride and groom decked out in crazy-assed get-ups and exchanging vows before the privileged few while the majority of their loved ones cool their heels outside the temple.

As the usually cheerful blogger, Single Dad Laughing, said in his post today:
"Want to know something sad? I don’t go to my family’s weddings anymore. Not my cousins. Not even my siblings. At least not if they take place in Mormon temples (which most of them do). Know why? Because. If I do go, I don’t even get to go. I am asked to sit down with everyone’s children and babysit because I am not considered worthy to go inside and watch the ceremony. And let me tell you how fun that is, hanging out with all the teenage girls and trying to corral three dozen out of control toddlers."
The poor Mormon authorities. Lies, guilt, exclusion, organized tedium, flagrant bigotry, and stubborn adherence to the wrong opinions just aren't enough to retain those numbers anymore. Meanwhile, our Post-Mormon attendance continues to increase, as has our loud laughter, light-mindedness, and evil speaking of the self-appointed.

But we aren't trivial. Last Sunday we debated whether Kolob was a planet or a star--a spirited discussion that continued into the next day over the internet. I was convinced it was a star, until one of our newbies, Dan, provided me with scientific proof that Kokob was the star and Kolob the planet. And then it all seemed to make sense when longtime attendee, Cheryl, pointed out that a person couldn't "hie to a star,"because she'd burn up! Only that sparked further debate over whether a person's garments would protect her from burning up, also over whether or not our resurrected bodies would need them. Wouldn't our magic underwear be built into our skin? Or perhaps the Celestial Distribution Center will sell a spray-on variety. Our findings were inconclusive. Nevertheless, it was way spiritual.

And I would be remiss if I didn't thank Prop 8.

14 comments:

  1. They do have a tendency to shoot themselves in both feet. It's quite comical.

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    1. I started this blog in 2009. I've always intended to write about the Mormons, even when I was one. But I envisioned novels set in an LDS setting (available on my sidebar, hint hint) not a sarcastic blog. But after Prop 8 the gloves were off. Wonder what their next trick will be.

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    2. Oh, and AT, I meant to also say that I hope you can visit soon and hang with us. We'd love it!

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    3. Well, if they're going to support bigotry, they're going to alienate more and more members. It's as simple as that, but the LDS doesn't seem to understand that.

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    4. Completely clueless apparently--and proud of it.

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  2. Funny. Just the other day I was thinking about how odd it is that a church, such as the Mormon Church, even cares if the 'Gays' can marry civilly. Since they don't think much of civil marriage and give it such little regard. Why don't they just leave us the hell alone.

    (btw Suzie and I will be celebrating our wedding on July 12th in the great state of OR)

    The fear the church has, I suppose, is the 'slippery slope' and of course the whole 'Tolerance Trap' thing. They need to keep the TBMs convinced that the gays are to be feared and not tolerated.

    ~~"Tolerance is a virtue, but, like all virtues, when exaggerated it transforms itself into a vice...We need to be careful of the'tolerance trap' so that we are not swallowed up in it." Boyd K Packer~~ wtfbkp

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    1. Here in CA the argument was that if gays can legally marry, the government can force the Mormons to marry gay couples in their temples. (As if anyone outside of Mormonism has ever been even allowed inside a dedicated LDS temple.)

      Congrats to you and Suzie!

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  3. My parents just send a check now, but at the last one we attended two years ago, my dad said we would be responsible for no one's children unless were paid minimum wage per kid in advance, which, with the size of my dad's family, would have financed a weekend in Catalina for our family. Needless to say, they don't even ask us anymore. We're just invited to the receptions, which we don't attend, because we have our own peanuts and mints, and if we really wanted to eat cake frosted with shortening-based frosting, we could make it ourselves.

    Prop 8 just added fuel to the fire for us.

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    1. Yeah, a lot of those receptions are pretty stingy. Sometimes the wedding couple even asks the guests to bring food. I begrudge people for not having the means to throw a fancy reception. But I do think that if you can't afford a big party, opt for a small one, rather than inviting all the relatives and the ward and then giving them a tiny square of cake and some of those hideous mints that taste like meted out balls of dried toothpaste.

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    2. Ha! I meant to say I DON'T begrudge people for not having the means to throw a fancy reception. Probably a Freudian slip because I was also thinking about how so many LDS couples get married and start families before they even have a year of college under their belts.

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  4. Are you sure they aren't toothpaste? Pioneer frugality, remember.

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    1. Too funny. I actually stole that description from a humorous mock LDS cookbook. The recipe for wedding mints had one ingredient listed: toothpaste.

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  5. Donna, on an unrelated note, I need a twitter photo that stands out more and so that those who know me will know more easily that my Tweets are mine. 9Judge alex sayshe reads the tweets but doesn't usually know from whom they are among his acquaintances unless the photo is one that stands out.) i'm posting several trial photos. Look if you get a cahnce. http://alexisar.blogspot.com/2014/06/twitter-photos-noticeablity-factor-et-al.html

    I've also posted them on my most recent blog.
    thanks either way.

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